Assumptions, Exposure & New Relationships

"Making assumptions prevents you from respecting differences and learning from others. POSITIONING and EXPOSURE necessitate that you spend time with people who are different from you. It takes COURAGE, but the resulting KNOWLEDGE is priceless. When you only interact with people who look like you and think like you, you have no checks and balances to avoid extremes and to provide wisdom. Be patient in the new relationships God has given you, and look for the deep things that can unite you with others."
--Bishop T.D. Jakes, Facebook, November 27, 2012


--THIS POST IS WORK IN PROGRESS--

Well, this post this morning really stunned me, really.


ASSUMPTIONS
I remember the 35 years I spent in Singlehood. (And, might I add, I enjoyed Singlehood for MANY years. I didn't wail or sob about my life, at least, not often! ha) I can look back and honestly say that, as I got older, dating, for me, became a game of Assumptions.

And, if I'm being honest, I think I was pretty good at it! ha

I was not someone who went into relationships blindly. I wanted to know EVERYTHING I could before I decided that I wanted to "ADD" someone into my life. Did I see any Red Flags? (O, yes, I was a Five Star Red Flag Hunter, let me tell ya! ha). I could spot phonies, creepers, perverts, and insincere peeps a mile away.

Yep. That's why--and how--I kept so many people out. You know, out of my ZONE? :)

Obviously, there are GOOD THINGS about Assumptions. Assumptions that we make are often the product of our own (albeit limited) understanding and experience. They may be the product of the understanding and experience of someone we know or have met. Rightly or wrongly, we use Assumption--and some of us get GOOD at it! ha--to our benefit. To protect ourselves.

The problem, though, with making swift judgments--wait, it sounds better to say "Assumption," doesn't it?--about people is that we keep a lot of people out who God may be sending our way "for such a time as this."

I think, at least from my limited Knowing, that many of us keep these Assumptions that we used for dating and let that come into our professional and spiritual relationships. So, in other words, when God sends people are way who even SMELL like phonies, creepers, pervs, and insincere (Liars!) people, we just back off immediately. Because we believe, somewhere deep down, that they are out to hurt us, get us roped into some lifetime contract of commitment, steal our money, kill our joy. (Okay, maybe this explains my three and a half decades in Singlehood! ha)

But seriously. I have found that I tend to make major Assumptions about people, Assumptions that keep me from letting people in. Letting them into my home. My world. Whatever I deem as "mine"...

But God...

He just doesn't see it that way, always...

Sure, he gives us discernment. And that gift is to enable us to protect ourselves, our family, our church family, the Church of Jesus Christ as a whole. But who are we blocking out from our lives that God needs us to allow in?

These are, indeed, at least for me, very uncomfortable waters...

EXPOSURE
Seriously, how will we ever learn anything about anything if we are never exposed to it in some way?

But, it does take courage. And patience. And every spiritual gift that the Holy Spirit can deliver. To live a life like this? Risky.

I mean, you have to put yourself out there, again and again and again. No matter who says what about you. No matter what happens. No matter how sick of everybody you get. And there's absolutely NO WAY we can do this without the working of the Holy Spirit. No way.

Our instinct has never been to EXPOSE OURSELVES to the unfamiliar? Are you kidding? Not me! (It's only those people who are short a few brain cells who do that, right? ha)

And, is it just me, or once you get to my age, you get this tendency to say, "Hey, I've been exposed to all sorts of stuff I may or may not ever want to remember...I'd really rather cruise into later life without the bruises that come with some types of "Exposure."

I mean, think about it: Exposure to the Elements. Sun/Cold. Too much of either wears you out. It's uncomfortable. Not pleasant. It's like you want to say, "Sure, God, expose me to your elements--but I don't want to have to wear sunscreen, okay?" Or, "As long as I don't have to put on scarf and gloves..." We can take exposure to some of the elements for a short period of time and...well, come away unscathed, right?

Isn't that how I am sometimes with God?!?


NEW RELATIONSHIPS
There's an Episode of SEINFELD where Jerry talks about his friendships. He says, "I've got five good friends, that's all I need. I'm not looking for any others" (paraphrased). And I think that's how I or anyone can get when we have strong friendships already and we love our friends and want to spend whatever time we have with the friends and family we already have.

We're just "not looking" because we are satisfied with what we already have.

Yet, God has a way of bringing new people, new potential relationships into our world, to do just what Bishop says here--to stretch us, improve us, and, ultimately, via exposure and experience, strengthen us.

Bishop Jakes on "Positioning"

"POSITIONING is a matter of strategy, and this strategy requires you to listen to God’s voice! Going off on your own will put you completely out of place and in a prime location for destruction. Heed God’s voice. Without His KNOWLEDGE and wisdom, there’s no way you will ever know where you are supposed to be. Get alone. Get quiet. Now, listen as God reveals to you the POSITION He has for you."

--Bishop T. D. Jakes, today on FBook, November 24, 2012



My Response:

"POSITIONING is a matter of strategy..."

I think, so many times, people tend to believe that, just the first six words here. It is our tendency to think, "Yes, it IS about strategy, and I must discern that strategy..." But when we read on, we realize that the strategy we must adopt is not our own, not even human; rather, the strategy we must discern is the will of God for our lives. I love this quote so much, because it is TRUE WISDOM. Yes, there is a strategy. But it has nothing to do with US, really--other than being a willing and obedient vessel. It's about HIM.

"...and this strategy requires you to listen to God's voice!"

Here is Bishop's real advice on discovering and/or adopting a "positioning strategy": Hear God! Do whatever you have to do to hear what He has to say. His strategy is the only strategy that will truly bring happiness and fulfillment. His strategy is the only one that will be found lasting, effective, eternally impactful. Anything we do on and in our own power will, at some point in time or another, be tossed aside, burned in the fire, marginalized, at best, as a "good intention." God knows what is best for us.

As humans, we don't like to give Him that credit. Not really. I speak all the time about how I, personally!, have trouble giving Him 100% control of my life. And, honestly, I struggle on a daily basis with how much of my life/decisions really is His. (Please...I know the answer. But it's hard for someone like me to acknowledge the fact that He wants to be heard in my lunchtime choices. It's incredible, really! And, if I'm being honest, there are days I have trouble grasping that!) But, and I've said this before...That's why it is important for Shirley Harrod Yandell to "die daily," time and again, however much is necessary so that my heart is available to God in each and every moment of my day--lunch or no lunch.

"Going off on your own will put you completely out of place and in a prime location for destruction."

This is something I don't really struggle with very much, if I'm being honest. I've witnessed too many people do this in my lifetime--and the results are almost always ruinous or "to-be-ruinous." But, many people--certainly many Bible characters!!!--tried to "take matters into their own hands," so to speak, or "force the hand of God." That's a dangerous game to play, a potentially brutal chance to take. But I think that the root of the problem here is, essentially, FEAR. Fear of letting God open the doors ("What if He doesn't?" "What if He forsakes me?") in His own time, even when it doesn't seem to match the "internal schedule" we believe is "right" for us.

But for me? The places God takes us are not places we could even survive on our own. I certainly don't want to march off into the angels/demons territory without Him and His "going before me," through the valley and wilderness ahead. What He calls us to do, when He calls us to do it, what lies ahead, is NOT POSSIBLE to manage without His help, His presence. I can promise you that at this point in my life, I am quite content to WAIT. Because I WILL RESPOND to God's command, when it comes--and I want to listen to Him to be as ready as possible for what lies ahead.

"Heed God’s voice."

When God speaks? We must not only respond, we must obey. To the letter. When it is time, nothing can stop the move of God. Nothing and no one. Whatever He says do, whatever He says say, we must do it. Our lives are depending on it, the lives and well-being of others are depending on it. The generations following us are depending on us to not only HEAR, but DO.

"Without His KNOWLEDGE and wisdom, there’s no way you will ever know where you are supposed to be. Get alone. Get quiet."

I am thinking of Henry David Thoreau's "Where I Lived and What I Lived For" essay, an excerpt from his book/experiment, WALDEN. In it, Thoreau gets away from this life, simplifying everything, to think about this life, what's truly important, what it's really about. What matters. It's important to get away and get rid of our normal, everyday distractions and "voices" so we can better Hear Him. He is speaking. He wishes to speak to us TODAY. But we must be in a position to listen to Him. To take the time to listen.

"Now, listen as God reveals to you the POSITION He has for you."

NOW...Right now, God longs to work in us, speak to us, reveal to us things about His plan, His Word, His direction for our lives--for the lives of all of the people on this planet. Right now, He is speaking.

What would we learn if we could only hear Him?

To The Uncertain Edge

"When God POSITIONS you, He has a way of putting you in a place where you have no choice but to move from the safe center to the uncertain edge of a new experience! Admittedly, you would avoid making the necessary changes or facing the edge if you could. It’s here that you learn the value of faith and fuel of prayer. Activate both as God POSITIONS you to face uncertainty." --Bishop T.D. Jakes Ministries on Facebook