Assumptions, Exposure & New Relationships

"Making assumptions prevents you from respecting differences and learning from others. POSITIONING and EXPOSURE necessitate that you spend time with people who are different from you. It takes COURAGE, but the resulting KNOWLEDGE is priceless. When you only interact with people who look like you and think like you, you have no checks and balances to avoid extremes and to provide wisdom. Be patient in the new relationships God has given you, and look for the deep things that can unite you with others."
--Bishop T.D. Jakes, Facebook, November 27, 2012


--THIS POST IS WORK IN PROGRESS--

Well, this post this morning really stunned me, really.


ASSUMPTIONS
I remember the 35 years I spent in Singlehood. (And, might I add, I enjoyed Singlehood for MANY years. I didn't wail or sob about my life, at least, not often! ha) I can look back and honestly say that, as I got older, dating, for me, became a game of Assumptions.

And, if I'm being honest, I think I was pretty good at it! ha

I was not someone who went into relationships blindly. I wanted to know EVERYTHING I could before I decided that I wanted to "ADD" someone into my life. Did I see any Red Flags? (O, yes, I was a Five Star Red Flag Hunter, let me tell ya! ha). I could spot phonies, creepers, perverts, and insincere peeps a mile away.

Yep. That's why--and how--I kept so many people out. You know, out of my ZONE? :)

Obviously, there are GOOD THINGS about Assumptions. Assumptions that we make are often the product of our own (albeit limited) understanding and experience. They may be the product of the understanding and experience of someone we know or have met. Rightly or wrongly, we use Assumption--and some of us get GOOD at it! ha--to our benefit. To protect ourselves.

The problem, though, with making swift judgments--wait, it sounds better to say "Assumption," doesn't it?--about people is that we keep a lot of people out who God may be sending our way "for such a time as this."

I think, at least from my limited Knowing, that many of us keep these Assumptions that we used for dating and let that come into our professional and spiritual relationships. So, in other words, when God sends people are way who even SMELL like phonies, creepers, pervs, and insincere (Liars!) people, we just back off immediately. Because we believe, somewhere deep down, that they are out to hurt us, get us roped into some lifetime contract of commitment, steal our money, kill our joy. (Okay, maybe this explains my three and a half decades in Singlehood! ha)

But seriously. I have found that I tend to make major Assumptions about people, Assumptions that keep me from letting people in. Letting them into my home. My world. Whatever I deem as "mine"...

But God...

He just doesn't see it that way, always...

Sure, he gives us discernment. And that gift is to enable us to protect ourselves, our family, our church family, the Church of Jesus Christ as a whole. But who are we blocking out from our lives that God needs us to allow in?

These are, indeed, at least for me, very uncomfortable waters...

EXPOSURE
Seriously, how will we ever learn anything about anything if we are never exposed to it in some way?

But, it does take courage. And patience. And every spiritual gift that the Holy Spirit can deliver. To live a life like this? Risky.

I mean, you have to put yourself out there, again and again and again. No matter who says what about you. No matter what happens. No matter how sick of everybody you get. And there's absolutely NO WAY we can do this without the working of the Holy Spirit. No way.

Our instinct has never been to EXPOSE OURSELVES to the unfamiliar? Are you kidding? Not me! (It's only those people who are short a few brain cells who do that, right? ha)

And, is it just me, or once you get to my age, you get this tendency to say, "Hey, I've been exposed to all sorts of stuff I may or may not ever want to remember...I'd really rather cruise into later life without the bruises that come with some types of "Exposure."

I mean, think about it: Exposure to the Elements. Sun/Cold. Too much of either wears you out. It's uncomfortable. Not pleasant. It's like you want to say, "Sure, God, expose me to your elements--but I don't want to have to wear sunscreen, okay?" Or, "As long as I don't have to put on scarf and gloves..." We can take exposure to some of the elements for a short period of time and...well, come away unscathed, right?

Isn't that how I am sometimes with God?!?


NEW RELATIONSHIPS
There's an Episode of SEINFELD where Jerry talks about his friendships. He says, "I've got five good friends, that's all I need. I'm not looking for any others" (paraphrased). And I think that's how I or anyone can get when we have strong friendships already and we love our friends and want to spend whatever time we have with the friends and family we already have.

We're just "not looking" because we are satisfied with what we already have.

Yet, God has a way of bringing new people, new potential relationships into our world, to do just what Bishop says here--to stretch us, improve us, and, ultimately, via exposure and experience, strengthen us.