Monday, December 29, 2014

Project Gideon 2015: We Aren't Going This Year

I did it.

I had to.

I sent an email last weekend regretfully stating that Stephen and I would be unable to attend the upcoming Project Gideon conference in Dallas in February 2015.

It was disappointing, to say the least, though we simply had to cancel the trip and attendance.

We do not have a choice.

This year, we bought a house--our first house and nothing short of a miracle in and of itself!--and I bought a car when my old one literally stopped running. Our budget is very tight right now, and there is no extra room to budget to attend the conference this year.

Yes, it's disappointing, but I know that this is what we need to do right now.

I will say this: "Beyond Project Gideon" is about taking what we have learned from this conference and going forward with it--becoming the best God has called us to be AND the best version of us that we can be! And this is precisely what I will be contemplating this coming year.

I want to make God proud. God led me to this conference four years ago, and Stephen and I have been challenged, inspired, and imparted vision like never before because of our participation in this conference. It is up to us now to USE what God gave us, to put legs to it, and see that The Lord gets glory from it.

But I want to make Bishop Jakes proud, too. I want him to know that the time and energy he put into us was worthy of a God-sized harvest. I really do believe that "anything is possible with God" and that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And I know that we attended this conference for three years for a REASON.

So, that's my job now.

To figure out THE REASON.

I may not be going to the conference this year, but I must be proactive with what I have already been given. It's not over for me.

What have I learned that I am to take with me to the next level?
What steps do I need to take to get to that next level?
What skills do I already have that will help me get to the next level?
That level--where and what is it?
How and When can I unlock the DESTINY that is God-given and uniquely mine?

No, it is not over for me.

It's time to put on my Big Girl Panties and move forward.

It's not a surprise to God that we aren't able to go this year. He knew the paths our lives would take. So, we must have everything we need to accomplish our destinies, right? Somewhere, locked within me, is the DESTINY He has created for me.

Now I must pray for that VISION TO BE REVEALED to me.

Amen.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Step Two: The REAL Meeting with the Lawyer

This post comes three days after the meeting I had with the lawyer regarding the non-profit organization I was interested in starting.

I haven't updated this blog regarding this meeting for a couple of reasons:  (1) I have been busy, non-stop, since the meeting, and (2) The meeting really did not go well.

To say it "did not go well," I feel I need to elaborate:  

I didn't feel comfortable in the room where the meeting was held.  It was cold--feeling, not temperature--and I am fairly certain the dust on the books was plaguing my allergies.  

I have great difficulty understanding left-brained people and left-brained concepts.  I find there is little to no warmth, and that's what I'm all about.  I need a kind smile, hug, conversation, laugh...I do not function well when the only interpersonal communication is a "tight smile."

I didn't feel prepared.  I felt like I was in over my head, sometimes like the lawyer was speaking another language to me--I just don't process that way.

The lawyer told me things I NEEDED to hear, for certain.  I came with a dream, some signs, and a phrase given to me from The Lord, but that's all I had.  I hadn't thought of where I would send the mail, the cost for the background checks every time I get a volunteer, or what I would do if my non-profit got sued.   I was also informed for the amount to start up the non-profit:  $850.   That alone would take a miracle.  I went in there with the dream of impacting lives and blessing people.   I didn't think of all of the other legal issues that were certain to go along with it.

I started crying, I couldn't help it.  Right in front of the lawyer.  All the way to the door as I was let out.  

The lawyer smiled, probably thinking I was a basket case.

When I left the lawyer's office, I couldn't go back to my own office right away, though I needed to, though I'd taken time off to make this appointment and needed to get back to work.  

I drove around town in my car and cried.

I'm not sure exactly why.  
.
I guess I just thought it would go better than it did.  I suspected it would go well and smoothly.  I suspected God was in this and He would make my path straight.  I would leave with clarity and prepared for my Step Three.

But I left feeling like an idiot.  Very foolish.  

"Did I miss God?"

You must be thinking, "Shirley, you can't give up!  That was one meeting!  God is in this!  Only believe!"

I have lived long enough to know this:  This door did NOT open for me.  In fact, I felt it closed, resoundedly, in a very clear way.

But I haven't abandoned the dream itself.  At least not yet.

I feel like though my dream is solid (though it definitely needs to be fleshed and written out), I was barking up the wrong tree.  Maybe the non-profit isn't what I'm supposed to do.  

But what IS?  

I feel like I need to be ever more aware of what's around me, seek God to determine which tree (method) I'm supposed to be approaching, pursuing, and pray and fast so I'm quite certain it is His voice which leads me.

The door definitively closed that day, at that meeting.

But I trust the WAY will be made known to me.  

He will show me the way.

Amen.




Friday, November 21, 2014

Power to the People: A Book in the Hand

Today's headlines on CNN Online included this article about non-violent protesters using the "three-fingered salute" which originated in the Hunger Games trilogy. Dissenters in the novels use this salute to signal their displeasure with the political and governmental construct, decisions, and actions. This hand signal is also used to demonstrate the shared beliefs of a minority and unite them.

Apparently, this trilogy--and the movies which have popularized the novels' ideas--has inspired many in Thailand to publicly express their dissent with their own government by using "the three-fingered salute."

People are being arrested for making this sign--it has been declared illegal and inappropriate. As I recall, one arguer asserts that "if we let these people do this, then we open up others to dissent."

Oh, the power of the written word.

What is most striking, as far as I'm concerned--and the reason I'm posting this here instead of on Facebook--is that we see here, as it has been demonstrated, how POWERFUL written ideas are.

We must never forget this.

We must also never forget that people are people, the world round. The messages and ideas contained in this book series, written by an American woman, have profoundly impacted, and "struck a chord," with people who live in an entirely different country, on the other side of the globe.

A passion for human freedom and civil rights is not unique to Americans. People the world around are concerned and engaged, as well.

This article reminds us that when people get a glimpse of what could be, of what should be, they never forget it. Even when that glimpse comes from what is categorized as a "purely fiction novel." When given that glimpse, a percentage of them begin to stand up for what matters to them most, despite whatever consequences. They refuse to allow the Establishmebnt to squash their dreams, hopes, and human rights.

The moral of this posting?

"Power to the People" is "A Book in the Hand."

We should never forget it.

Never.


http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/20/world/asia/thailand-hunger-games-salute/index.html?hpt=hp_t4

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Step Two: Meeting with the Lawyer

Important note about the following blog post:  I incorrectly thought that my meeting with the lawyer was today at noon.  I drove down to the law agency at the lunch hour and the door was locked.  Something told me to check my email again from Tabi.  I'd gotten the date wrong:  it's next Thursday, Nov. 20th. I am not deleting the following post because it chronicles how I am/was feeling, on the morning of the day I thought I was meeting the lawyer.  And I don't want to forget some of the things mentioned in this post.

--------------------------------------- 

Today is the day.

It has been precisely a week since I met with Tabitha McConnell at the Coffee Cup to discuss the crazy idea that was birthed in my spirit two weekends ago--starting a non-profit organization for children.

I am meeting with her lawyer today at noon.

I would like to be able to tell you that I am uber-pumped about this, that I am energized and counting the seconds until I can walk into that office and declare this God-ordained vision that He has given me. But I'm not going to lie: There is a part of me that wants to just call the office and tell them I can't make it in today: "I'm not ready. I haven't had time to really digest this." Or, "I'm just not sure about the timing--I mean, we're nearing the end of the semester and two of the year's biggest holidays..." Or, "Honestly, I feel like I'm in a whirlwind right now. I just want to spend time meditating and getting another clear word of confirmation from the Lord." Or, "Honestly, I feel like I am WAAAAAY in over my head and it's scaring me to death!"

But I'm not calling in.

I'm going.

Today, I am going to summon all of my courage and visit the lawyer's office to determine what all needs to be done to set up this non-profit organization and get it running. Yes, I will pray my brains out all the way there.

Today, I will be able to determine what it will take, financially and otherwise, to set up this non-profit organization. I will take this all-important second step with the lawyer.

Today, I am praying for clarity, peace, and direction. I am praying that HE goes with me, ahead of me, preparing the way. I am praying that He gives me a clear vision of my purpose: That I will see, in mind's eye, the faces of boys and girls who need to feel His love, His hand extended, through this ministry, this non-profit organization.

And this is what drives me forward: The KNOWLEDGE that kids are in desperate need of an advocate. And the thought that Jesus LOVES these little children--all of them, with His whole heart--and that He might choose me to minister to them through a non-profit organization.

God's Will be done.

Amen.

------
Postscript:
If, by some miracle, YOU are reading this before noon, Central Standard Time, will you say a prayer for me? For all the children that could be impacted by my decision-making right now? Thank you in advance.


Friday, November 7, 2014

Taking Another Step--in Prayer

Today, I texted Dana and Paula, my spiritual sisters at work, and asked them to come by when they got a chance, that I had an announcement to make.

I wanted to tell them about the vision God has given me for the non-profit organization.

We finally got an opportunity to talk this afternoon in the hallway.

"I am in the process of starting a non-profit organization for kids," I told them.

They didn't act surprised.

Immediately, Dana said, "Let's pray," and we held each other's hands, making a prayer circle, and praying in turn.  Right there in the hallway.

Dana and Paula both prayed over the work God was calling me to, over the organization, over the kids, and over the coming days and the process.

And I was transported to a moment earlier this year, when Dana and Paula and I stood in the driveway of the house Stephen and I had just bid on, a house we only hoped to own.  And while on that driveway, holding hands in a prayer circle, I felt the Presence and Peace of God.  Then, we prayed for God's Will.  And it was then that I had no idea if anyone would even/ever sell us a home, finance it, but it didn't matter anymore.  Because we'd given it to God.   

He gave us that marvelous home.

As we held hands today in the hallway, I realized that I was standing in a powerful prayer circle again, asking God to have his way in yet another potential miracle.

It dawned on me then.  

This thing is covered.  Whatever happens, I will follow the call.   The Spiritual Marker has been placed, and I give it to God.

Amen.

Step One on This Incredible Journey

After the Saturday that became what I refer to now as "The Genesis of This Journey," I knew I had to step out, albeit tentatively, to investigate the possibility of developing this non-profit organization.

So, I met with Tabitha McConnell, a local young adult, missionary, minister, and non-profit leader of her own organization, Pure Love Is This.

Interestingly, several months ago, during an altar call at our church, I felt The Lord tell me to ask Tabi to join me in prayer for "what God has for me to do outside of the local church."  

At that time, I had NO IDEA that God might be leading me to start a non-profit organization--I cannot stress that fact enough!--so I turned to her as she walked down the aisle and pulled her aside and asked for prayer.  Why God wanted me to ask Tabi to pray for me, I wasn't sure--obedience?  stretch of faith?  or just the fact that Tabi is an awesome woman of God and prayer warrior?  I didn't know, and I didn't have to know.  I pulled her aside that morning and asked her for prayer.  More importantly, I know the she is the type of person who WILL pray when she says she will pray.

Tabi herself stepped out in faith in the past year and started her own non-profit organization, "Pure Love Is This," and she has already done several projects this past year, reaching out to young women in need.  I have always loved her and working with her--she has an incredibly bubbly personality and a warm energy that inspires all around her and all that know her.

When I felt like God was directing me to do a non-profit organization, I knew I had to step out and faith, put fear and doubt behind me, and take that step:  I felt in my heart I needed to talk to Tabi.

Who better to tell me if I had lost my mind?  Chased a rabbit trail?  Gone off the deep end?  

When I messaged her to inquire about a meeting, she was enthusiastic and offered to meet me the Thursday after Genesis Saturday for lunch. 

After I agreed to this, doubts would flood my mind--what am I thinking?  I don't even know what I'm going to ask?  Where on earth do I begin?

But then I kept thinking about all the ideas I had written in my notebook--the ideas and "vision" I could see in my mind, all the POSSIBILITIES--and I would counter the doubts by thinking about "What if this is it?"  and "What if I decide to miss the biggest ministry of my lifetime?!?"

I did do some minor research on non-profits, other non-profits already out there, website building/opportunities.  

Because I know where I'm going next once the first steps are accomplished.

More than anything else, though, I have been spending time talking to God about this.

"If this isn't You, shut the door."

"If this IS You, open the doors, please!  Make things go smoothly for me, go before me."

"Help me KNOW that I've heard from You, Lord, that I'm hearing from You..."

And then Thursday came.

Fifteen minutes until noon, I had just gotten out of class.  I grabbed my mini notebook and headed to The Coffee Cup to meet with Tabi.

We ordered lunch and sat to discuss what was on my heart.

"Oh...all I have are these notes scratched out..." I said, apologetically.

"Girl, that's more than I had starting out!" she replied.

"I feel scared," I admitted, "Sometimes I wake up and think, 'What are you thinking?!? How can YOU possibly do this?'"

"Fear and doubt is something you'll always deal with, always battle," she said.  "But you've GOT to do this.  Think about it:  what would happen if you DIDN'T do this?"

I nodded, understanding.   

What if I don't do this?  What is at stake?  What kids go unnoticed?  What projects don't get completed?  What bridges aren't built?  What networks aren't connected?  All because I let doubt or fear or insecurity rob me of my courage!  

So do I trust Him or don't I?  Do I believe His promises or don't I?  

Even if--even if it's a battle, a struggle...Even if it NEVER works out--what of it?  At least, when I'm standing before God after this life, I can say, "I put my all into it.  I did what you told me to do, Lord."  I mean, seriously, even logically, weighing it all--my doubts and fears do not overshadow the SHEER POSSIBILITY of what God can DO through this if I will allow him.

During the course of the conversation, I confessed to Tabi that I felt overwhelmed, excited but unworthy, to be called to this.  

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm too old."

"Girl, there was a 70-year-old man on my last missions trip who said he got called to missions a couple of years ago!" she said, immediately swatting one of my most threatening doubts out of the room with her spiritual fly-swatter.

At on epoint in the conversation, too, Tabi responded to something said or intimated, and I cannot even recall what brought it on.  Perhaps it was when I shared about the Mexico Prophecy of nearly a decade ago.  

But her response to that is something I want to record here and never forget.  I suspect I will need to read this again and again in days to come.

Tabi looked at me and said:*

"I never knew how to tell you this before--because I wasn't sure how it would sound when it came out of my mouth--but I always knew you were destined for more than what you do now.
 
"Every time I've heard you speak, I've known you were meant for more.  I've always pictured you speaking to large groups, auditoriums, at conferences...

"I believe in my heart that this is God's Will.  You are definitely stepping out in the right direction.  I've definitely seen this coming.
 
"Step out!  Jump in!"

I could barely maintain my composure--feeling a great swell of excitement, relief, tears, and joy rise up within me.

And I knew it.  This is it.

My meeting with Tabi was most definitely a God-Thing.  I left knowing what my next step needed to be:  meeting with a lawyer and submitting paperwork.

After the better part of an hour talking about The Lord and taking notes and listening and sharing vision, we stood and hugged each other, knowing that life had just changed for me.

Yes, life has changed for me.

---------------------------------------------


* I did my best to record everything she said in my journal.  I wrote everything, exactly as I remembered it, later that afternoon.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

The Genesis of This New Journey

Well, I must begin by saying that this incredible journey started nearly a decade ago.  Most certainly, I can trace its development prior to that, but as I look back, I can see that it really "got going" then.

It was on one of two missions trips to Mexico that I met an individual who spoke over my life in profound ways.  I had never met this man before, and he literally spoke over my life in ways that only God could have directed.

One of several things he said to me was that I would "speak to children of the nations."  Of the other things he said, nearly all of them have come to fruition.  And I thought this one had come true, as well.  Until last Saturday.

I thought, perhaps, as global as our world is, that perhaps he had been referring to the international "children" I speak to in my college classroom.  Though grown, they are someone's children, a nation's children, still growing, developing.  Surely that's what God meant.

Or maybe it was when I spoke in Ireland to a group of young women.  Surely that was what God had meant and intended.  I had spoken into their lives that day, addressing issues every woman deals with, no matter where on this globe they were raised or live.

Maybe God had been referring to the church where I attend--where, weekly, dozens of Hispanic kids, second generation Americans, attend on Wednesday nights.  But I really didn't speak into their lives.  I didn't even teach a class for kids.  But perhaps I would be teaching them at some point?  Working with the Children's Church on a regular basis?  Maybe helping with VBS once a year counted?

Apart from thinking about that prophecy, directly, I have wavered for months/years about whether I should go into public school teaching in hopes of directly impacting more kids.  I have really struggled with that, and have debated back and forth on what is best for me, my family, my budget.

This past September, I started teaching After School at Psalm's school on Fridays--and any other rare day they need me.  I don't teach Psalm; rather, they placed me with 4th-5th graders, usually numbering five or six kids.  It's a small group and perfect.  I am enjoying, thoroughly, this new opportunity, and wondering what part this has to do with God's Master Plan for my life.  I knew God had opened THIS door for me, although I hadn't really related it to the prophecy.

But what about the prophecy?

Honestly, I do not think about it all the time or even often.  Every now and again, I feel led to pull out my journal, read the prophecies contained within it, and reflect on what God has done and how He has done it and what He is or may be doing right now, at this present time.  

There have been a number of things that have, ultimately, culminated in the series of events that started last Saturday.

I think of the terminally kids who have sought me out in the strangest of venues.

I think of the way I've collapsed into tears over the injustices to children that I've seen and had to endure helplessly in public.

I think of the burden I have carried for the kids of our area and our PFA Children's Building project.  I have been begging God to help me find a way to donate to the cause.

And then there are the dreams...

Three people have come to me--people who don't know each other at all--and told me that they see me having a child, a son.  One says she sees me holding a child's hand.*

And then there was last Saturday....

After I had witnessed three separate children being yelled at, senselessly, by their adult caretakers, I cried and prayed about what to do.  "God, why do I keep seeing these things?  My heart is BREAKING.  I don't want to go to Walmart ever again if I have to endure such things.  This breaks my heart and I can't stand it!"

It was then, and my drive to Ft. Smith from the Sallisaw Walmart, that altered the course of my life.

I knew I had to do something.

"But what?  Whatever could I do?!?"

"How can I make an impact on the lives of kids?"

Non-profit.  Start a non-profit.

"Start a non-profit?...Me?!"

I had no idea what on earth that would entail.  How could I?  I have ZERO business experience, less tax/government experience...how could I do this.

"Maybe I'm hearing it wrong..."

FOR. THE. CHILDREN.

This came to my mind as clear as day.

"That's what I'm supposed to call it?"

And I could envision it all--in an instant.  I saw the website, our first projects.  I saw my contacts, volunteers, all of the possibilities for the future.

"THIS is what you want me to do?"

And I came home and started doing preliminary research.  I checked to see if my web address had been taken:  it had not.  

So, if all goes well and God's in it, the non-profit I'm starting to impact children locally and nationally and globally, will be called:  "For the Children Ministries."  

If you are reading this, please say a prayer for me, that God will lead and guide me.  I don't want to miss His Will in any way on this upcoming journey.

I know God has BIG PLANS.

Let it be, Lord!


* This is the symbol I want to use for the non-profit letterhead, etc.:  an adult holding the hand of a child.  I would like for it to be based on me and Psalm, and rendered in shadow.





Wednesday, October 29, 2014

A Dream about The Rapture: UNREAL

Dream about the Rapture
Dream that I WAS RAPTURED

October 29, 2014, 3:11 a.m.

Okay, here's as much as I can recall.  I just shot up in bed with the knowledge of it.

--------------------------------

I was telling ppl about Jesus, telling ppl that the time was near...

I was not alone.  But as the dream progressed, the ppl of Christ were segregated, into one group, one place.  (Hard to explain:  but there was a clear location divide on followers and non-followers.)

Evil was increasing.  (Things seemed to be changing rapidly--marked by the fact that the buildings and businesses were being remodeled, expanding, developing and I was often inwardly noting the passing of time. I don't know if this is significant.)

I was arguing MADLY with someone, intensely telling ppl about The Lord.  We had to fight to be heard, and we did not stop telling ppl about Jesus.  And I was arguing a point, the need for Christ, when I felt it.  

It happened.

In a split second, with absolutely no warning (other than KNOWING and FEELING in my spirit the immediacy of His coming), my body completely disappeared (and I actually felt it, like it phased out, and then it reappeared in a new place.  I could feel the "phasing," not unlike a "beam me up, Scotty," though there was NO warning, and it took a split second to happen) and then reappeared.  

This happened, literally, in the blink of an eye.  

And here's what I mean, split second:  When the Rapture happened, I was still arguing with someone on earth about The Lord, about how short time was, about how they needed The Lord.   I kept telling ppl they needed to get right with Christ.  It was MID-SENTENCE when the Rapture happened.   It happened so quickly that I felt it happening, but when I  reappeared, immediately, I was finishing my sentence that I was making on earth.  I was still in "argument mode" until I realized I had been raptured, that it had happened, and I was among God's ppl elsewhere.

And then I got REAAAALLY excited!  This feeling of being Raptured was SO REAL that I was REJOICING and jumping with excitement!  I was screaming (and I think I may have screamed in real life, waking myself up), "It happened!  It happened!  The Rapture happened!  I felt it!  It was REAL!"

I burst into tongues of PRAISE as I was emerging from the knowledge of dream-world.

Many of the details are sketchy, but I know the location of it all was downtown Poteau-ish, by a car lot.  It was a business district-ish.

I remember that I was constantly talking to ppl, trying to tell ppl to get their hearts right.  I felt an IMMEDIACY.  During the entire dream, I was SPEAKING, not just plotting or observing or "doing."  I was telling ppl.  Talking to some, arguing or pleading with others.  And the response to my efforts was, realistically, divided: Some were listening, some got their hearts right (and were making commitments, and joining us--physically moving from watching us to becoming one of us), but many jeered and many were non-committal. 

But it didn't stop me from speaking.  

Though this dream focused, clearly, on my own experience, I was not alone.  Again, I want to reiterate that I was in a group of people, moving about (in the dream, we were hovering in one area together), that in our group, everyone was ACTIVE.  No one was sitting down or apathetic.  You were either for us and active, or not with us (apathetic or against us.)

------------------------------

I am absolutely and utterly blown away.  

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Merely Human Rules

"These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me." Matthew 15:8, NIV

"The Lord says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught.'" Isaiah 29:13, NIV

What sobering scriptures.

1.  THE PROBLEM WITH LIP-SERVICE:  

"These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me"

These verses remind us that just because we SAY we love, praise, honor, revere Him doesn't mean that we actually do.  Just SAYING it or singing it or proclaiming it does not mean that our hearts are "right" with God--or that He receives or accepts our worship.  What a disturbing thought!  Because how many of the people this passage is directed to think it is enough to just SAY it?  How many of the people think they are in right standing when, in fact, they are not?  What a dangerous place to be, spiritually!

I think of people who say they will be there for you, that they've "got your back," and when it comes down to it, they aren't there when you need them.  I think of times when people said one thing and did another, proclaimed one thing and proved to be something else.  This is what Jesus is discussing here.  How frustrating it is to discover the person you thought was a friend was actually just pretending to be! And how said to "pretend" to be a friend of God when, in fact, you are not.  God knows our hearts.  

"Their hearts are far from me."  Not nearby.  Far from Him.  Distant.  Not even close.  How frightening that you could frequent the house of God, sing and speak about being connected--but not be.

Introspection:  Where is my heart this evening?  Right now--as opposed to yesterday or yesteryear?  Have I withdrawn myself from His presence in some way?  God forbid.  Do I rely on rituals in my faith, instead of a daily relationship?  Do I follow the crowd instead of seek His face, personally?

2.  CULTURE and MAN-MADE WORSHIP:

"Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught."

Worship is about Him, not us.  I hope we never forget that!  Else, we may be guilty of what the prophet records:  our dependance on a worthless, powerless cultural/man-made worship that we have been taught.  Do we KNOW why we do the things we do?  Believe the things we believe?  Do we mindlessly copy what is being said and done around us?  Or do we have a PERSONAL relationship and revelation that steers what we do and say?  Is my worship cultural?  Taught and copied, generation after generation?  Or is it real, heartfelt?  Is it received by the Creator?

I think of how dangerous it is just to teach people "rules" or "legalism" and not explain the WHY's of it, according to the Word of God (as opposed to the word of men).  I think of people who are discipled to MIMIC others instead of Follow Christ.  I think of how important it is not to ONLY teach recitation, but the meaning behind it, and the need to persistently fight "rote" recitation and keep the recitation "fresh" and pure.

Introspection:  Am I engaging in cultural or man-made worship?  If so, Lord, please reveal it to me.  Is there worship I'm engaging in that pleases ME (or us) more than GOD ALMIGHTY?  Is my focus on Him and Him alone--as it should be?  Do I know why I do/say/believe the things I do/say/believe?  I want my worship of my Heavenly Father to be genuine and real.  

Prayer:  Help me, Lord, to please Your heart.  Help me to stay in your Presence.  Help me not to rely on recitation, the words of others, the patterns of others, but help me to be REAL, in every way that matters to You and Your Kingdom.  Thank You for challenging me tonight, Lord.  I am humbled at this reminder.  Help me to be found pleasing in Your sight, always and forever.  xoxo

Sunday, September 21, 2014

More Than Tears: Dedicated to Two Little Girls

Last night, I saw two little girls
Cling to one another as their
So-called "caretaker" loomed over them.

A loathsome patriarch of some sort,
This man exuded every despicable
Characteristic conceivable in humanity.

The girls cringed when he spoke,
And I saw the older cling to the younger,
Holding on to one another as he derided them.

I wanted to help you, sweet girls,
Your faces worn--not warm--
Your bodies frail under layers of clothing.

My heart bleeds for you, darling girls;
The world would write you off--you,
Statistically, have barely a chance without...

A miracle.  That's what I pray for you,
Both of you.  Nothing short of a miracle,
I pray you are spared from this fate worse than death.

Worse than death:  Your small bodies,
Invaded by adult force--now empty shells of you.  
Your precious minds seared by hell's flames.

Worse than death:  Your deflated spirits--
Before anyone should ever have lost hope;
You are children shipwrecked by a dim reality.

I heard you say that you were twelve,
Your sister, cowering with a speech impediment,
Couldn't have been past six, could she?

Oh, how I longed to speak to you--
But you didn't need to hear from me:
You needed someone to redeem you.

There I stood with my two girls,
Very blessed girls, very lovely girls,
And I wept for you, silently, wept.

I declare now, to you, to the heavens,
That I want to do more than just shed tears--
I am begging God to show me how to help you.

And how many more of you are there?
Two little girls have changed my world--
And how many more of you are there?




Those Moments When You KNOW

Breathe in, breathe out,
I feel my heart beat accelerate,
My body knows what my Spirit does:
There is CHANGE a'coming.

Blink my eyes, close them now,
Rest in the Knowledge that
Whatever Call He is making
Is coming soon now.

With each morning sunrise,
My breath is heavier, notably,
I feel the promise of each inhalation,
The power of each exhalation.

There is SOMETHING coming,
And He is sending it with His Spirit.
It's coming on The Wind to be delivered
At the Appointed Time.

I welcome, You, Lord; 
I welcome Your Spirit.
I welcome the Promise 
You are sending, even now.

Let it be, dear Jesus.

It's Time

It's time for renewed vision,
It's time to Hear a Word from God.
It's time to Step out in Faith
Knowing It Is Time.

I feel the oncoming Something,
Beckoning my Spirit to Action,
I feel my tingling legs, 
Ready to spring into Movement.

Yes, It Is Time.

I feel the Waves and Sense
The Tide coming In.
The moon has shifted,
The sky heralds CHANGE.

It's time for Reawakening,
It's time to Move with God.
It's time to Walk in Destiny--
I know It Is Time.

Yes, It Is Time.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

A Spoken Word and Prayer

A friend of mine stayed after church tonight to talk to me for a few moments about what God is doing in her life.  While we were talking, we noticed two of our friends praying in the corner of the church, and it was powerful.  So, as the fervor grew, and they would talk some and pray some, we didn't want our conversation to become a distraction--though it, too, was declaring the Praises of Almighty God--and we started praying for them.

In moments, the Holy Spirit broke free in both of our prayers and He started speaking to me directly through my friend.  I knew it was the Holy Spirit.  Knew it.  

Although it has now been over an hour and a half ago, I am going to do my best to record what was spoken over me in hopes that I never forget what God has spoken to me tonight.

One thing my friend said was that the waters are stirring.  (I could feel the stirring around me, almost a cushion of wind surrounding me, and it felt like it was moving.)

Another:  That I had stepped from shallow waters into a deeper depth.

(In between each of these statements, she would praise Him in her prayer language, and then speak again.)

Another:  You have an increase of anointing.  It is upon you, but not only upon you.  It is upon your whole family.

Another:  Your stage is getting bigger, taller.  (She motioned with her hand making reference to the height of the stage.) For the Glory of Almighty God.  

(Before I go on, I need to add that while this woman is a dear friend of mine, we have not had the closest relationship lately and she has no idea what I'm going through, struggling with, etc.  This is important because what she said next was Divinely Given knowledge.

She said:  You have been struggling against Negativity (she brushed my back, as if wiping something off of it), It is gone.  (She later said that there had been "dark waters" but they were there no more).

She said:  You have said things at home, in Anger (she brushed my back, again, in the same manner); No more.

She said: You have doubted God about your calling (again, she brushed my back, in the same manner); It is gone.  No more fear.  No more doubt.

She said:  You are humble. (Something about how I am a servant-minded person, though that is not how she said it).  That is why God is going to lift you up.

By the time my friend had stopped talking, I had fallen into a prayer position at the pew and was crying before The Lord.  She had no idea how The Lord had used her, but He had.  There was no doubt in my mind, and I knew that I had heard from Him this night.

I felt compelled to record this here.

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As I sit in bed, typing this, I wanted to be certain that I mention what happened yesterday. I went to church to drop off the electric bills and I ended up talking to my pastor about an incredible revival he and his son had gone to.  At this place, his son had received a Word from The Lord from a total stranger. I was tempted to go to the revival the next night (he had mentioned they were going), but I needed to order Psalm's cakes and I knew the rest of the family was tired and we didn't really have the time, energy, or gas money to go.

I remember thinking how much I wished I could receive a Word from The Lord like that, in such a way that you KNOW that you KNOW that The Lord Himself has spoken because nobody knows what's going on inside of you.  Except for God.  

And I must give Him praise right now, for hearing my heart's cry and answering my prayers.

Prayer of Praise:
Thank you, Lord, for answering my heart's need and cry for a Word from You.  "Like the deer panteth for the water, so my soul pants for you."  I needed you so badly, Lord.  Thank you for meeting me in my need, in my place. Thank you for delivering me from evil.  Thank you for caring enough to send my friend by with a Word from You.  I cannot EXPRESS how much I love you for EVERY LITTLE THING, EVERY LITTLE DETAIL that You attend to.  "Who is God that He is mindful of me?"  Thank you so much, Creator of the Universe.  I love you with ALL of my heart!  Amen.


Saturday, August 9, 2014

Facebook Post This Morning

People often share their hearts with the world on Facebook. I am one of those people who believe that, all too often, people share more than they need to. But then there are times when you read something that breaks your heart, for whatever reason.

The following Facebook post--copied and posted here with zero editing or corrections--caught my attention this morning. It disturbed me enough to respond and then chronicle it all here, on my blog. The woman who posted this is, if I remember correctly, somewhere around ten years older than I (and I turn 43 in a couple of months).

Her Post:

"you know it is really sad when you go into a eating establishment and people make fun of you. well it happened to me today I went to see my son at work and a man made fun of me for the way I looked and told me I was contagious and that really hurt my feelings. let me just say im not contagious imjust getting older so if you don't like the way I look turn your head. my husband and both of my kids don't care how I look on the outside what matters in on the inside. some people are hateful. just had to get this off of my chest . . . "

My Response:

"That is just BIZARRE. But, in my short time on this planet, I have determined that those who do and say things like this are among the most miserable of God's creatures. For whatever reason, they have not found peace with God and/or with themselves, and they project their own self-loathing upon others. As a Child of God, it hurts when ppl treat us this way, but deeeeeeep down, we feel Him speaking to us: We are Children of the Most High God; we are LOVED, ACCEPTED, EMPOWERED, and we are BEAUTIFUL in His sight and in our own right! You ARE beautiful, sister. Keep your chin up and KEEP ROCKIN' IT!!!"

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Ephesians 3:20: The Promise of 2014

"With God’s power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine." --Ephesians 3:20, NCV

Last November, the Lord impressed upon my spirit that this verse, found in Ephesians 3:20, would be MY verse for the coming year, which is this year, 2014.

I really must say first that I am not one of those people who finds the BEST verse in the Bible, complete with blessings galore, to declare that "God Said" over my life. But I really felt Him speaking to me, that THIS would be my Ephesians 3:20 year.

Sidenote: I DO declare His promises and blessings over my life, those that are in the Word, but I don't add other statements (like, "God said THIS will be my year of blessing!") if I didn't get a direct word from Him.

We are midway through this year, and I can honestly tell you that I have seen Ephesians 3:20 in my life. And I want to record it here, so I won't forget what He has said and what He has done.

As I type this right now, I am sitting at the kitchen table of our new house--emphasis on OUR. For the first time in my life, I "own" my own home, as opposed to "renting." Though I do not declare negative statements over my life, I can honestly say that my sitting here, in this phenomenal home on this phenomenal property, is nothing short of a miracle.

I know what God has done.

When we sat there, signing the final "closing" documents, I noted the company: my husband, Psalm, the lady from the mortgage company, our lady realtor, and the lady from the abstract office. And, as I was signing page after page, I listened to them discussing their various churches. And I thought, "Thank you, God. You've placed me in the company of your kids."

Everything went smoothly--from the first initial bidding for the house to the moment they gave us the keys to now, as I write this.

I am utterly blown away by God.



Prayer of Thanksgiving: Thank you, Lord, for loving me. For loving all of your children and taking care of us. Thank you for speaking to us, walking with us, through all of life's struggles and victories. Thank you for being true to your Word and your Promises. Thank you, most, for your presence. And for patience and forgiveness when we just fail to "get it." We praise you for Who You Are. Because You are worthy of praise. My heart sings for You. My feet dance for You. My arms wave for You. My spirit rejoices in You. Always and forever, may the Lord God Almighty be praised.

Amen.





Saturday, June 21, 2014

"My Journey; God's Plan": Notes from Joycelyn Barnett's Sermon 060314

Notes from Joycelyn Barnett
"My Journey; God's Plan"

Church of God Campmeeting/Heartland Region
June 3, 2014

Texts:
Psalm 31:15a
Genesis 32:22+

--Verse that captures my attention.
--31:15a "My times are in thy hand..."
--My life is in His hand
--NET:  You determine my destiny
--Gen. 32:22
--Journey--culminates, chapter, season in life of Jacob
--"And Jacob rose up that night and took 2 wives and 2 women servants, 11 sons and passed over the ford...And he took them and sent them over the brook and sent over that he had.  And Jacob was left alone."
--It has taken God 21 years to get Jacob by himself
--Surrounded by Leah, Rachel, multitude, other wives, Laban's ppl, cattle, everything else.  
--God had a greater plan for him.
--God does not always release his plan when you are operating on your plan.
--Esau--must meet old adversary; sinned against him; afraid of what will happen
--"There wrestled a man with him till breaking of day; did not prevail.  Touched thigh, out of joint.  He said, "Let me go!"  "I will not let thee go unless thou bless me.  Thou name shall be Israel." Tell me thy name?  Why ask after my name?  And he blessed him there. For I have seen God face to face.  And my life is preserved."
--My Journey, God's plan
--Every season of our life is an unfolding of plan uniquely ordered by God from very beginning.  There's no plan we have engineered.  God has in some way or other ordered it from the beginning.
--Diff to fathom unmatched power and wisdom of God.
--He has perfect knowledge of all of His creation.
--Takes that knowledge and maps out individual plan for our lives and calls it destiny.
--Generic;  predetermined course of events beyond our control.  Beyond our power.  We cannot direct it on our own. God determined course, life course, times.  Our future is in his hands.
--This journey is invisible.  I'm living it but I can't see it.  No roadmaps, signs.
--Must live, stay connected and stay on course.
--I can't touch destiny, can't put hand on it and say "This is what it is."  Imperceptible, impenetrable, irresistible.
--I'm moving in direction and I don't know how I got there:  Because he had a plan.
--My times are in His hands.
--I'm living in the unfolding of a predetermined journey.  The journey unfolds before me.
Jeremiah 1:5:  Before I formed thee, I knew you.  While you kicked in the womb, I appointed you to be a prophet to the nation.
--Baby and God says you're a prophet
"And we know that all things work together..." Romans 8:28+   (He called, predestinated)
--Jer. 29:  I know the thoughts I think to you...  
--Talking to a nation complaining.  Settle down.  Stay there, build houses and have kids you're gonna be here for a little while.  They are of peace and not evil.  I am bringing you to expected end.
--You have a HOPE.  YOu have a FUTURE.
--Destiny:  Greatness and Nobility as course of life unfolds
--We are destined for favor, life, health, deliverance and for freedom. God has already destined that I will make it.  No weapon formed against me shall prosper.
--We only have past pieces of destiny to relate to.  We have a noble end we can't see.
--what links past to present and present to future?  TRANSITION
--I'm in journey toward my destiny
--transition:  changing from one state to another--to and from--cocoon to butterfly
(journey)
--We are always in some level of transition--from infancy on to adulthood.
--He gives us only glimpses along the way.
--We complain and fuss--God:  I'm not moved by all of that.  Because HE KNOWS the way we take.  God:  complete comprehension
--Job 1, has all.  Job 2: wiped away  Job 3:  HELL  Needs a conference with God. What's going on?  I'm doing the best I know how!  Paying tithes.  I don't understand this level of the plan.
--Job:  I couldn't' find him.  After this trial, I will be as pure gold.
--When God puts his hand on you.  On the journey, he can't leave you in same condition he met you.  He has to prepare you for where you're going.  He has to change things in you to make room for who you are called to be.
--Praise Him for the times of trouble--that we must get through.  After a while, Jesus will fix me/it.
--"God is making you on this journey." Person I was is not who I used to be.  
--He had to do some work on me, fix me up.  I was not prepared to step into his perfect will.  
--He works on our character in transition.  He's working on our character.  The decisions we make.  [Esau, Judas--bad decisions.  Never completed their journey]. He works on our desires while we move toward his plan [Samson].  Can't step into fullness of His plan when you have struggles in desire areas.  We have a damaged church.  
--God must break yokes.  Things that plague you that no one else knows.  
--Some of us say "Yes, Lord," others, "Not now."
--We must let God work.  He will send somebody to speak to you.  Holy Ghost in our midst that has ability to speak to you and say, STOP IT.
--While in transition.  We must get help.  
--God has to sanctify the way we do the things we do for him.
--We cannot walk into God's plan with struggles of flesh and man
--You cannot step into the plan until you come to the end of yourself.
--He's working on your conscience.  Are you an accuser?  How do you look at moral issues?  If not careful, we will think and talk like this world.
--God must deal with us as the church.  He must deal with us ethically.  How we feel about certain things.
--Spirit of Homosexuality has decided to perpetrate throughout churches: same sex couple broke up after 20 years, one woman killed the other, the kid and tried to kill the other.  They go to metro church; pastor a lady; preached about sacrifice of Isaac.  Lady said God spoke to her to do the same.  We have conscience issues.  Ethic issues.  Holy Ghost is trying to grab hold of us:  I have a plan.  I know what I have in store for you, but you are not in place.  Have to be in transition, route.  Dealing with calling, summons to ministry.  How steadfast, submissive committed, how much do I want to serve him?
--Personal testimony:  I backslid.  Went so far out there, it is by grace of God I came back.  My Journey--God's plan.
--It was an inheritance I didn't want.  I wanted something else.  Drugs, alcoholic.  My first son not saved, birthed out of spirit of rebellion.  I didn't want God's plan.  I had my own idea.  I believe God is a God who will have his own way.  One day.  I believe he called my name and sent angels and said, IT"S TIME.  He has a way of delivering.  Set free.  From power of darkness.  God stepped in and set you free.
--It was his plan for me to stand in the pulpit., unadulterated gospel of Jesus Christ.  no devil in hell will stop the will of God.
--Where are you taking me, God?
--I believe there's something more for me to be doing!  (I was mad!  I had Jesus but I was mad, and not submitted.)
--One afternoon, I was fussing.  Nobody on floor but me.  I heard audible voice of God saying, "When are you gonna give me the reigns of your life?" 
--Control.  I'm the one in charge of this.
--Experience in the hallway I'll never forget.  If you want me to push this cart till Jesus comes back, I'll say yes.  Wherever he was taking me would require submission, serving, obedience. This period of the journey, He works on you.  Some of us fight him.  Some don't and submit.  Where does this transition take us?  Face to face collision with God before I can put on majesty of my destiny.
--Can't move into destiny until you know this God face to face.  You can know about him, praise, dance and never really know Him. Jacob knew about covenant, knew stories, father, history...but never really knew God.
--Look at his journey.  Wants birthright and blessing.  Marries 2 wives, conflict and struggle, kids don't know what's going on.  Laying foundation for 12 tribes. God is doing all of this but Jacob still doesn't know.  Suddenly God appeals to him:  move.
--God gets him to a place...He will take you to a place where he says I want you to meet me and know me so you will stop fighting.  So you'll say YES, Lord.
--No more just you wandering in vast area wondering what's going on.
--It's taken all his life to get there, taking detours, distractions, deception.  I'm not moved until you meet me.  At end of human ingenuity.  He can't devise another plan.  He's been a trickster all his life and he can't figure out how to trick God.  He wrestled.  
--Imagine God wrestling with you?  Should he have to struggle with us like that?  Should he have to break us like that before we say thy will be done?  Why does he allow the struggle?  He's got to get revolt out of you.  Get "I don't want to..." Our will.  Our refusals.  Doubts.
--You know what wrestling cost me?  Stillborn 9 month baby.  Because of my refusal.  
--My life was set.  (I thought)
--I'm gonna be Betty Crocker II.  God, didn't you hear what they said?  
--Stillborn child.  No one came to visit me except Catholic nun.  "I don't know why but I believe God has a plan for your life."
--2 weeks before:  revival, preacher called me up, 
--He's an infinite God; works out our finite life to bring us into perfect plan.
--Until the revolt, resentment is gone.  
--I was a teacher, loved teaching.  Going to be principal.  We have a school for you. Coordinator.  Not God's plan.
--I was on every committee.  He says, "Go full time in ministry."  WHAT?!?
--Surely, you jest, Lord.
--I started compromising with The Lord.  Let me work one more year.
--Surely, you didn't mean for me to go full time...
--I told God, "Nuh-uh.  We've got to work on this."
--Next year, stripped of every position, put in back of school, teaching in worst room with worst kids, three times a day.
--By the time June came around, I was "Yes, Lord."
--He had to get the revolt out of me.
--You cannot step into the will of God with resentment and revolt. 
--God had a great plan for Jacob, founded a nation called by his name.  
--After he deals with you, brings us to a place of reconciliation.  And we say, "Yes, God."
--He doesn't want to wrestle with us anymore.
--"Now bless me."  Now I need something greater than what I can do on my own. I will not let go until you bless me.
--The person you are after is NOT the person you were when you started this journey.
--It's a real agony to really surrender in prayer.  Not my will, but yours be done. 
--Jacob walks away with a limp.  But he has a new name and direction.  And a new understanding, beginning understanding of destiny.  To found a nation for God.
--Question:  Anybody struggling with your journey and the plan of God for your life and you say, "I think I hear you ....I think I need to say yes"...Don't be scared or ashamed.  I wish I could go back and redo my life sometimes, go back and obey, do it again better.  All I can do is from this moment on.  Submit to his will.  When there is a church that says yes to him, it makes a statement to the world.  It says we are under his lordship.  
--Altar is place of reconciliation.
--Song:  "I give myself away...."



Friday, June 20, 2014

Missing Missions This Year

I'm missing missions this year.

I wanted to go, so badly, with a friend of mine who was travelling to help with children's ministries in Cork, Ireland, this summer.  But going on this trip would have meant that I'd have to miss the VBS at our church--the one my daughter, Psalm, attended!  And so I declined the trip. It just didn't make sense to go overseas and help kids at VBS when I was missing out on ministering to kids at the VBS at my own church.

I'm absolutely THRILLED for all of my friends who are going on trips this year--missions trips to Central America, Europe, and Israel.  It's awesome to see their hearts and lives and passion for Jesus Christ exapand and increase.  They are reaching out with Your message of Love.

In retrospect, I understand why this wasn't my summer to go.  I had NO IDEA that God would be allowing us to purchase a house of our own THIS SUMMER--and only HE KNEW that I would need every single dollar to pay for the down payment for the house.  He knew it, though, and protected our finances.

I'm so thankful and excited about the house He has led us to.  Words simply cannot express!

But I am also looking forward to my next misisons trip, whenever and wherever it is.  Because I cannot wait to learn more about Him and His heart for the world.  And because I believe that I was literally destined for this.  My mind goes back to when I was a teenager--I decorated my bedroom walls with MAPS of the world. At the time, I didn't think a thing about it.  I've always been interested in the geography of the world and the people who inhabit it.  I've always had a deep desire to GO PLACES.  And in my mid-adulthood, I learned why.  He called me to it.  All along, it was His plan.

And, honestly, this is how I know that I have not taken my last missions trip.  

He is not finished with me yet.

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Prayer:
Lord, thank you for being true to your Word, for blessing your Children, for multiplying our seed.  Thank you for the GIFTS you give us--and for hearing our heart's cries and making all things possible.  I PRAISE YOU for Who You Are!  And this summer, as I struggle to figure out, still, the fullness of my calling, I know that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER TO GOOD, and that You will lead me, and I must be patient until You put the puzzle pieces together.  I trust You fully and completely.
Amen and Amen.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Chronicling a Miracle: Finding Our First Home

I've never been a homeowner.

Though I've gone through various seasons of thinking "it is time!", I have never, for one reason or another, been able to go through the process of owning my own home.

When I was single, I found that I really didn't have the money to invest in a home.  I couldn't imagine the cost of upkeep--and it just made more sense to rent with a reliable landlord/lady who would help me if anything went wrong, replace things that needed replacing, open the door for me if I locked myself out...

I have been blessed to have some incredible landlords/ladies.  From my years in Tahlequah until now, I can honestly say that I have NEVER had a bad landlord/lady, that I have been so very blessed to have incredible men and women rent to me.

Again, as a married woman, there were times that Stephen and I would go "house hunting," but nothing seemed to work out.  In our early years of marriage, it was working out credit issues (I had never had a credit card, for one thing).  And later, there was a situation with our car loan (because of miscommunication in the first three months of ownership--they told us our payments would be delayed for three months--we had to scramble to get up to date on our payments, and it took a toll on our credit) that kept us from being able to buy a home.

We've never given up on the dream, though.

Every once in a while, we will browse Zillow.com for homes in our area--Stephen and I do this independently, but if there is a listing that piques our interest, that we believe may be "the one," we will advise the other of it.  We have, many times, gone to look at a home.

Last December, we found a great little place, not far from where we live, in a newer community of homes in our town.  We looked at the home and thought we had "found the one."  But before we even started looking for a financier, the house sold to someone else.

We really thought that was the place.  We were a little disappointed.

When we thought this might be the place, we had gone out to the home and walked around it, praying.  We prayed for the house itself and God's Will for our lives.  We could "see" ourselves in the home.  It was nice, and it would be our own...But this wasn't God's plan for us.

I must interject here that I am so glad that I am married to someone who believes as I do that God's Will for our lives is the MOST important thing about ANTHING--especially any major decision like this one.

When the house sold, we took a bit of a break looking at houses.

It was months before we started looking again, and we were actually touring another house (that we both KNEW was not the house) when we stumbled upon the Zillow listing for the one we are under contract to purchase now.

(Yes, I said it:  we are under contract to purchase a home of our own!  But I must tell the story properly...)

When we went to visit the property, we loved the home.  So we contacted the real estate agent listing the home and got a tour.  Though the listing touted a "MOTIVATED SELLER" (yes, in all caps), when we put in a bid for $140,000 for the listed $175,000, the seller responded with a note that he would not reduce the price.  

We couldn't afford it.

Knowing we couldn't afford it, and that this so-called "motivated seller" really wasn't, I started keeping an open eye for other properties within our budget.  I thought, "Okay, I must be happy with what we have, with what we have been given and keep my eyes open for THE house..."  So, I kept looking.  

One afternoon, I suggested to Stephen that we go look at this house for sale on the other side of town.  He told me he didn't want to because he still wanted the house on Pleasant Valley Road.

"Well, so do I," I thought.  "But if we can't afford it..."

I believe in miracles.  So I found myself praying for a miracle.  For The Lord to lead us precisely to the house HE had in mind for us.  "Lord, help the seller change his mind abou the price--help us know, as you have before, when IT IS YOU.  We want a miracle because we don't want to do anything 'in our own power.'  We want this to BE YOU."

And so we stopped looking again.  And we were just going about our business.

Until last Friday.

Friday morning, Stephen said to me, "I just got a notification from Zillow.  They dropped the price of the house on Pleasant Valley Road."

I was literally walking out the door to work and stopped.  "What did they drop it to?"

He told me it was listing now for $160,000.  (A $15,000 drop!)

We both agreed that we had to "move" on the house.  We had to figure out what we could do to get in the house, if at all possible. This is our Dream Home.

I drove by the house on Friday and Saturday, parked in the driveway and prayed while in my van with Psalm.  "Your Will be done, Lord," I prayed.  "If it's your will, open doors.  Make the path straight.  If this is not your will, please close the doors in an obvious way."

On Sunday, which happened to be Mother's Day, Stephen drove by the house in the evening and he called the realtor listed on the sign.  He left a message, and she called back within 20 minutes and said she'd meet us on Monday.

On Monday, I took Dana and Paula out to the house to see it and pray with me about it.  As we held hands on the driveway and prayed, in a circle, we could feel the wind circle us as we prayed.  It was an amazing experience.

Since then, in one week's time, Stephen negotiated a price of $157,000 with up to $4500 in closing costs paid by the seller. We are under contract and working with a lender to get the home.  This Tuesday, I am taking documents to the lender in Ft. Smith. 

As of right now, we are supposed to close on the home in July. 

Everything has gone smoothly, supernaturally so.  

I wanted to record this so I could look back and remember WHAT GOD HAS DONE!!!  

There is no doubt in my mind that He has orchestrated this on our behalf.  

On Mother's Day, we had gone to my parents' church in Muldrow.  As I knelt at the altar, I saw, in a brief second, a picture of the house in my mind and heard the following, "Don't you know I give the best gifts?"

I had no idea that gift would be coming so swiftly--and I give ALL PRAISE AND GLORY to MY LORD.  

We didn't do this.  He did.

---------------------





Tuesday, May 13, 2014

"Pure Bride of Christ" Girls' and Women's Conference, May 3

I had the opportunity and spiritual blessing of being asked to help with a Girls' and Women's Conference at Victory Worship Center in Spiro, OK.  The conference was called, "Pure Bride of Christ."

When Kayli Fouts contacted me about her vision for this conference (this was the first annual conference), she shared her heart with me, her passion for girls and women to truly BE the Bride of Christ, to walk in the knowledge, to act in that knowledge, to impact the world with that knowledge.  One of the things she said in her afternoon session, when she shared her heart for the conference with everyone, was that she felt burdened to help girls and women to be bolder, stronger, more courageous, for Christ.  That we make an impact on the world, that we stand out, truly, legitimately--not fake, but REAL CHRISTIANS.

She said, "I'm sick of seeing the marriages in the church look like the marriages in the world....People should come to the church and KNOW they are going to see godly examples of what a real marriage is!"  And that's her feeling about single women, as well: that the singles in the church should be godly examples of singlehood.  

I felt her passion--and shared it.

Though I really felt conflicted about the engagement itself--my step-daughter Raylee had a Fun Arts performance in Edmond the same day and I had to miss it--I felt like I was supposed to be there.  So I kept believing that "all would work to good" if I just put one foot in front of the other.

It did.

First, I usually get extremely nervous when I am asked to speak at engagements like this--and especially so when I do not really KNOW anyone there.  For whatever reason, no one from my church went with me, so I was quite on my own.   And yet, I felt totally at peace when I pulled into the parking lot, and I can honestly say that I felt the Presence of God with me in the parking lot, and with every step into the building.  

He was there with me.

Second, I really needed to be there, and I knew that as the first general session speaker, Ms. Jan Fouts, began to speak to married women.  Without going into great detail, I can honestly say that I NEEDED to hear what she had to say--words of encouragement, of warning, of challenge.  She spoke with authority and anointing:  she herself has been married for over 40 years.  What a sweet spirit she has.

Third, although teaching three 30 minute sessions in a row was both a mental and physical challenge for me (and the second session suffered greatly for it), I KNEW God was with me, empowering me, speaking through me.  I felt Him.  Thank The Lord for His Presence.

Fourth, I got to reconnect with many people I've had in class before, and others I've attended church with or known through the church for years.  Even though I was by myself, I wasn't.  And that was another lesson I was hearing from The Lord.

Some things I learned, in a nutshell:
1.  I must never doubt God's timing.  Despite the conflicts in my schedule (the timing), HE WAS IN IT and I NEEDED the conference. God knew that. (I repented for questioning Him and this engagement until the very day of.  I should KNOW better--that He has my BEST INTERESTS at heart.)
2. I cannot take my marriage for granted--and I must be willing to WORK at it and WORK SOME MORE.  My marriage needs to be an example to others of what a GOOD MARRIAGE is.
3.  I cannot afford to give up--God will help me to maintain balance, and I must rely on Him to help me prioritize.
4. God is with me, whether anyone else is or not.  Sometimes, He grows us in those moments where we are on our own and just have to rely on Him.  He showed me, clearly, that I was supposed to be there that weekend. And He showed me that He was right there with me, the entire time.  (Did I mention that I had no anxiety or panic?!  That's God.)
5.  There is more to come.  Our steps are ordered, and I don't believe that anything is by accident.  I trust Him completely, I do.  (I have to.  I could never do this on my own.) There is more.  I'm not just saying that in faith, believing:  I know it in my heart.

There IS more.

-------------------------------------

Postscript:  God allowed me to help Raylee tweak her outline for her short sermon at Fun Arts, and she went, fully confident, and earned three Superior Ratings.  She is extremely excited--and feels much more prepared--for Fine Arts next year.  (Her dad and I are excited, as well!)  God really works all things to our good. He really does take care of everything.

Thank God.

Project Gideon 2014: General Session Four with Bishop Jakes (and Pastor Chris Hill)

PROJECT GIDEON
GENERAL SESSION 4
February 14, 2014

BISHOP TD JAKES

Conversation with Chris Hill

--Pastor Chris Hill, to Bishop Jakes
--"Today I am what you trained me to be"
--7 busses and 2 planes from Denver to Dallas
--Trust is a 2 way street
--relationships are about reciprocity; can't take and not give; can't reap if you don't sow
--if you sow it, you can reap it back
--the importance of a mentor, father figure in ministry
--while he was developing his team, I loaned him my team
--what we must model in church and family relationships:  father; mentor
--Bishop:  I left early so I wouldn't be a distraction to his moment; he chased me down to check on me; he left his moment
--his heart is in the right place
--it does not have to be Saul and David
--no hidden motive or agenda; his heart was in the right place
--bible:  I will turn hearts back to the father, back to the son
--if distrust gets in between you, then all communication is gone
--to get what you need, you have to give what the other person needs
--if you sow it in, you will reap it back
--love father figure in the way he wants to be loved
--you can be yourself and still be related to your father
--having a good helpmate is real important; sometimes all you have is each other
--I have many sons
--understand; your opportunities are so much bigger than your circle
--you can be struggling in one arena; established and rejected in an area; the body of Christ is so much bigger than your circle
--if I left and you just got together, the ppl in here, just talked and supported each other
--you have no right to complain about lack of support from elders when you do not support each other
--I hope you change:  becoming more relational, less competitive; you cannot be relational if you are competitive
--no room for hatred, maliciousness
--you can disagree and not be disagreeable
--the doors you're trying to get open; 
--some of the ppl you're knocking down to get to me have as many members as I do
--connect outside of your clique; expose yourself to fresh perspective
--edify the body; not just head; every joint, tendon, body is build through connection
--you have to invest in relationships
--both of us, mutual exchange
--do not assume that what you call important is what I call important
--love is a sacrifice
--love me like I want to be loved, like I need loved
--having each other's back is important
--you will not survive if you don't say anything
--if you interconnected with ppl in this room, your calendar would be full all year; all over the world if you never left this room; some of the strongest churches n America--IN THIS ROOM
--you don't know each other; get out of comfort zone
--KEEP THE MAIN THING THE MAIN THING
--some of you been plowing for 10 years and plowing and plowing; maybe that's not the place for you
--The earth is the Lord's, the fullness thereof, the world and they that dwell therein
--Your walls can tear down the walls between Christians
--Get past the walls
--Reach more ppl, 
--I want your mind to expand
--70% of ppl on internet are non black
--I want to shatter the glass ceiling about who might love you
--color, doctrine, I call ppl, BROADENING to understand the evolution of ministry
--EVOLVING, as person and leader and minister
--Bishop's new book, get my back
--develop webpage where we can connect all year
--build relationships; fishing out of this room
--I want to go from being on the platform to being a platform for the next generation
--my heart is huge, bigger than my belly
--I want to help you win, because all you've built will die for us
--I've worked too hard for everything to go down with me
--I want this legacy to continue
--I want you to win; when you win, I win too
--You have to be excellent in eery way; orator and leader
--speaker and thinker; be excellent in every way; 
--ore than just being on stage; it's infrastructure; can you manage relationships around you
--you can't be a truce breaker and break covenant; stewards of secrets
--you will see ppl's mistakes; be mature enough to keep your mouth shut
--keep your mouth shut
--whatever was going on, 
--don't ever bit the hand that feeds you so you can entertain your boys; don't disclose information
--Some of you have great talent but you talk too much
--don't name drop; don't tell things
--your mouth can close doors for you
--this generation:  some go big and crash; we went for a life time; you have to manage relationships
--requires wisdom; shut your mouth
--some of you just getting started and you talk like ppl like a dog; you are closing doors; whatever you say gets back
--you wonder why ppl are acting funny around you; they have heard what you said
--SHUT UP,  "Finally, my brethren, SHUT UP"
--some of you have giftings but you don't have the habit to go to the next level. You must have the habits of champions
--not about impressing the fellows; you are more interested in impressing your peers
--"In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength"
--You don't have long term relationships if you have loose lips
--Some of your habits are closing your circle; only ppl you can run with are ppl who do what you are into; club to ppl; all of you have the same sickness and you hang out and preach to each other
--depending on what's wrong with you is who you hang with; porch of Bethesda
--get off the porch and get to the pool; will not make it to pool if you hang out on the porch
--you have to be comfortable w ppl who are strong in areas you are weak in
--Bishop:  stats, when build low income get ghettos; more effective, mixed neighborhoods; school system better; school system evolves through exposure
--you cannot evolve in area where you are under exposed
--are you mature enough tho handle the blessing
--do you have the emotional intelligence to function where your gift can carry you
--called to further the vision; when asked to speak somewhere; don't come to my church and start collecting numbers
--bypassed me and built bond with children? ; the minute you do that, tells me I brought you too high
--if you start bonding with my members, you are telling me not to call you back
--don't enter into gossip
--I've got the key to your next engagement
--need to be managed mentality; they still think as if they are under
--can God trust you with elevation? can you move into new streams of God; can you manage what you see
--all ppl are flawed
--same grace extended to you, extend to someone else and SHUT YOUR MOUTH
--if your dates are going down and down; something else you're doing, saying, being said, polluting your opportunities
--you had enough to get in the door but not enough character to maintain the journey
--character and morals are two different things
--showed up late, indifferent,
--I'm trying to mentor you; you have to have discretion; part of being professional
--character/morals so bad?  exposing sheep to wolves.  
--you can't have a boyfriend in every city
--you have to decide which desire is strongest
--you cannot be Apostle Johnson w/ sexy pictures
--I know you feel the fire; conflict inside of you; I know the struggle between sensual and spiritual; hero and human
--most ppl deeply spiritual are deeply sensual
--Light so shine before men that they see your good words and glorify  your Father
--problems with brand: doing too many things.  
--Confused audience in how you present yourself; everyone has sexy side
--every generation thinks they are endowed with super sexiness; but before we got this pot belly, we got you
--MANAGE YOURSELF
--you can't put out all of those signals; can't put your face on for preaching and pose for porn; 
--YOU MUST DECIDE WHO YOU ARE
--every one has urges; it's not just you
--I begged The Lord not to call me
--you are asking a crippled man to run a race
--you know I'm defective; you can't use me
--Lord, why don't you call oe of those good ppl; holy ppl; you know me, I'm gonna mess this up, Jesus
--I'm thinking there are ome ppl that are good
--I didn't know he didn't have any
--There's no one good but the father; all of us are infected with human nature; sinful nature
--we are all infected by sin
--we all got it; BRING YOURSELF INTO ALIGNMENT WHERE YOUR LIGHT SHINES BEFORE MEN
--in truth, you're managing the same struggles we all have; you have to manage so you can have the opportunity
--make it a little easier for your husband to be faithful;
--emotionally and physically empty
--dont' hit them at front door with problems, bills,
--don't allow them to come from clapping crowd to nagging house
--you are the keeps of his flame
--if you do nothing but keep him oiled...that's a ministry too!  
--May the power of God overshadow you; move in your giftings without guilt 
--When they come home, they want to be ministered too; don't want to come home and minister too
--your spouse needs someplace he or she can be human; 
--ppl need to hear this; if someone would've said this
--marriage is for earth, not heaven; it's for here
--marriage ministers to the man I am, not the preacher I am
--you're getting ready to go somewhere
--I believe God is taking you somewhere beyond your norm; bigger than where you came from 
--follow instincts; they will lead you to your destiny
--you may not be where you are supposed to be yet
--I walked around like I was a Bishop; they just didn't know it yet
--my instincts were somewhere I had not evolved yet
--I am inclined to lead
--My gut instinct is to lead; I had instinct before I had the opportunity
--foreshadowing of what God is going to do in your life
--unveil who you are 
--same way that Nehemiah had instinct to leave comfort of palace and go build a wall; drove Nicodemus away from courts and went to Jesus
--I know that thou art sent from God
--take your religious eyes off this text; put it away; Nicodemus part of Sanhedrin, already religious and man of faith; faith is going through evolution; Jesus is not talking to sinner; he's not a sinner; he is confused; how then can a man enter into a womb?  Jesus is talking to him about Matrix.  A Matrix is a womb through are birthed from one dimension to another
--you have outgrown the limitations of the womb you were born in
--you are constantly going from smaller womb to greater womb
--baby formed in womb; conception in the womb; baby grows in womb until it can no longer stay there; when no longer hidden, must be pushed from small space that was a blessing; blessing now a curse b/c the baby has outgrown his space; with pain and travail, he crosses from one world to the next; things developed in womb weren't developed for the womb ; need to use mouth, nostrils, ears, legs, too big for the womb
--discomfort of baby--about to be birthed into new dimension; I don't fit here
--I've never seen the next world, but my instincts say there is something beyond the world I know; birthed from familiar to unfamiliar
--I cannot stay where I start; water breaks, mother lurches, baby is pushed from one dimension to the next.
--I see light: couldn't see this where I was; sounds muffled where I used to be; I'm breathing now,
--GOD IS EQUIPPING ME FOR WHERE I'M GOING; ONE SEASON TO THE NEXT
--6 years old, evolve again; what was a blessing
--going from lesser to greater; you're not going to be able to go back to the court; 
--YE MUST BE BORN AGAIN
--SOME WATER MIGHT HAVE TO BREAK, SOME BRUISING; YOU MUST BE BORN AGAIN
--intellect; formed by past experiences and what you read; inform your intellect with facts; intellect is limited; always built on past experiences
--instinct; attraction to something for which  I have no point of reference
--crawling toward the water, hatched on dry ground; 
--exposure so you can crawl from where you have been
--I forget and press forward toward the mark of Christ Jesus
--I CAN'T STAY HERE; IT'S TOO TIGHT; TOO LITTLE; THINGS I THOUGHT FUNNY AREN'T FUNNY ANYMORE
I'M IN A TIGHT PLACE
--I can't run w ppl I used to run with 
--it blessed me for a season; next dimension
--SOMETHING IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN; I HAVE TO CRAWL OUT TO THE NEXT DIMENSION
--Crawl toward something;
--Life is a series of birthings; Death is a birthing--from one world to the next womb
--Separation from this life
--When you die, you are birthed into eternal; you will go through stages of uncomfortableness that force you to go into the next dimension; that's what makes affliction and suffering good
--If I wouldn't have been pained, hurt, bruised, THANK YOU FOR CLOSED DOORS, PUSHING
--I AM EVOLVING INTO THE NEXT DIMENSION.
--SOMEBODY'S WATER IS BROKEN IN THIS PLACE
I'M FREE ON THE INSIDE FIRST, BEFORE; IT HAPPENS INSIDE FIRST; IT DOES NOT YET APPEAR WHAT I SHALL BE
--THERE'S A GREATER PERSON, WIFE, LEADER IN ME THAN I'VE SEEN ON THE OUTSIDE
--I'M CHANGING; NEW SEASON, REBIRTHED 
--I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME
--NO MORE EXCUSES
--If I don't get it done now, 
--Stem cell can be developed into an organ; cells attracted to other similar cells to form organs; stem cell form tissue; produce daughter cells and they produce organs; heart cells start beating; they will bypass every cell that doesn't have the beat; when they find another beating cell, they instinctiely connect to cells with the same beat and form tissue and form heart; they were beating before they touched
 before they are connected
--cells are attracted to cells that have their rhythm, connect with ppl who are beating, that have your rhythm; can be productive when they touched
--heart cell and kidney cells dysfunction; CHECK YOUR CONNECTIONS AND CHECK THE RHYTHM
--stop the connection; you can only connect with nouns that are beating
--ministry teams, companions; and you'll know it instinctively
--your instincts bring you into your future
--who's in sync; you'll feel a beat that becomes a culture that forms a church that changes a community
--tied to something that doesn't have your rhythm
--things only function when you have rhythm; can't teach it; you have to know it;
--regenerate; re-gene-it; changing the culture of it;
--change it one cell at a time; just find another cell
--not always same denomination; sense the beat, rhythm; permission to make the connection; sense something
--KINDRED spirit ("kin") ; a resume doesn't tell you that
--any cell trying to graft in from outside; can't get my mantle until you get the rhythm; anointing flows without interruption from me to you;
mantle will only go to man who has my rhythm; your church, culture, organization based on the rhythm
--3 years to change the culture/beat, at least
--stop crying when ppl leave; 
--come out of your comfort zone
YOU WERE EXPOSED TO THIS FOR A REASON
--YOU ARE ONE PUSH AWAY FROM A NEW DIMENSION
--WHEN ZION PREVAILS
--FRESH ANOINTING FOR NEW PLACE AN DNEW MINISTRY
--I SPEAK A SPIRIT OF CONNECTIVITY AND BROTHERHOOD
--never gonna be the same; I CAN'T BE THE SAME AGAIN
--I NEVER GONNA BE THE SAME AGAIN; CAN'T BE THE SAME