Monday, November 24, 2014

Step Two: The REAL Meeting with the Lawyer

This post comes three days after the meeting I had with the lawyer regarding the non-profit organization I was interested in starting.

I haven't updated this blog regarding this meeting for a couple of reasons:  (1) I have been busy, non-stop, since the meeting, and (2) The meeting really did not go well.

To say it "did not go well," I feel I need to elaborate:  

I didn't feel comfortable in the room where the meeting was held.  It was cold--feeling, not temperature--and I am fairly certain the dust on the books was plaguing my allergies.  

I have great difficulty understanding left-brained people and left-brained concepts.  I find there is little to no warmth, and that's what I'm all about.  I need a kind smile, hug, conversation, laugh...I do not function well when the only interpersonal communication is a "tight smile."

I didn't feel prepared.  I felt like I was in over my head, sometimes like the lawyer was speaking another language to me--I just don't process that way.

The lawyer told me things I NEEDED to hear, for certain.  I came with a dream, some signs, and a phrase given to me from The Lord, but that's all I had.  I hadn't thought of where I would send the mail, the cost for the background checks every time I get a volunteer, or what I would do if my non-profit got sued.   I was also informed for the amount to start up the non-profit:  $850.   That alone would take a miracle.  I went in there with the dream of impacting lives and blessing people.   I didn't think of all of the other legal issues that were certain to go along with it.

I started crying, I couldn't help it.  Right in front of the lawyer.  All the way to the door as I was let out.  

The lawyer smiled, probably thinking I was a basket case.

When I left the lawyer's office, I couldn't go back to my own office right away, though I needed to, though I'd taken time off to make this appointment and needed to get back to work.  

I drove around town in my car and cried.

I'm not sure exactly why.  
.
I guess I just thought it would go better than it did.  I suspected it would go well and smoothly.  I suspected God was in this and He would make my path straight.  I would leave with clarity and prepared for my Step Three.

But I left feeling like an idiot.  Very foolish.  

"Did I miss God?"

You must be thinking, "Shirley, you can't give up!  That was one meeting!  God is in this!  Only believe!"

I have lived long enough to know this:  This door did NOT open for me.  In fact, I felt it closed, resoundedly, in a very clear way.

But I haven't abandoned the dream itself.  At least not yet.

I feel like though my dream is solid (though it definitely needs to be fleshed and written out), I was barking up the wrong tree.  Maybe the non-profit isn't what I'm supposed to do.  

But what IS?  

I feel like I need to be ever more aware of what's around me, seek God to determine which tree (method) I'm supposed to be approaching, pursuing, and pray and fast so I'm quite certain it is His voice which leads me.

The door definitively closed that day, at that meeting.

But I trust the WAY will be made known to me.  

He will show me the way.

Amen.




Friday, November 21, 2014

Power to the People: A Book in the Hand

Today's headlines on CNN Online included this article about non-violent protesters using the "three-fingered salute" which originated in the Hunger Games trilogy. Dissenters in the novels use this salute to signal their displeasure with the political and governmental construct, decisions, and actions. This hand signal is also used to demonstrate the shared beliefs of a minority and unite them.

Apparently, this trilogy--and the movies which have popularized the novels' ideas--has inspired many in Thailand to publicly express their dissent with their own government by using "the three-fingered salute."

People are being arrested for making this sign--it has been declared illegal and inappropriate. As I recall, one arguer asserts that "if we let these people do this, then we open up others to dissent."

Oh, the power of the written word.

What is most striking, as far as I'm concerned--and the reason I'm posting this here instead of on Facebook--is that we see here, as it has been demonstrated, how POWERFUL written ideas are.

We must never forget this.

We must also never forget that people are people, the world round. The messages and ideas contained in this book series, written by an American woman, have profoundly impacted, and "struck a chord," with people who live in an entirely different country, on the other side of the globe.

A passion for human freedom and civil rights is not unique to Americans. People the world around are concerned and engaged, as well.

This article reminds us that when people get a glimpse of what could be, of what should be, they never forget it. Even when that glimpse comes from what is categorized as a "purely fiction novel." When given that glimpse, a percentage of them begin to stand up for what matters to them most, despite whatever consequences. They refuse to allow the Establishmebnt to squash their dreams, hopes, and human rights.

The moral of this posting?

"Power to the People" is "A Book in the Hand."

We should never forget it.

Never.


http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/20/world/asia/thailand-hunger-games-salute/index.html?hpt=hp_t4

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Step Two: Meeting with the Lawyer

Important note about the following blog post:  I incorrectly thought that my meeting with the lawyer was today at noon.  I drove down to the law agency at the lunch hour and the door was locked.  Something told me to check my email again from Tabi.  I'd gotten the date wrong:  it's next Thursday, Nov. 20th. I am not deleting the following post because it chronicles how I am/was feeling, on the morning of the day I thought I was meeting the lawyer.  And I don't want to forget some of the things mentioned in this post.

--------------------------------------- 

Today is the day.

It has been precisely a week since I met with Tabitha McConnell at the Coffee Cup to discuss the crazy idea that was birthed in my spirit two weekends ago--starting a non-profit organization for children.

I am meeting with her lawyer today at noon.

I would like to be able to tell you that I am uber-pumped about this, that I am energized and counting the seconds until I can walk into that office and declare this God-ordained vision that He has given me. But I'm not going to lie: There is a part of me that wants to just call the office and tell them I can't make it in today: "I'm not ready. I haven't had time to really digest this." Or, "I'm just not sure about the timing--I mean, we're nearing the end of the semester and two of the year's biggest holidays..." Or, "Honestly, I feel like I'm in a whirlwind right now. I just want to spend time meditating and getting another clear word of confirmation from the Lord." Or, "Honestly, I feel like I am WAAAAAY in over my head and it's scaring me to death!"

But I'm not calling in.

I'm going.

Today, I am going to summon all of my courage and visit the lawyer's office to determine what all needs to be done to set up this non-profit organization and get it running. Yes, I will pray my brains out all the way there.

Today, I will be able to determine what it will take, financially and otherwise, to set up this non-profit organization. I will take this all-important second step with the lawyer.

Today, I am praying for clarity, peace, and direction. I am praying that HE goes with me, ahead of me, preparing the way. I am praying that He gives me a clear vision of my purpose: That I will see, in mind's eye, the faces of boys and girls who need to feel His love, His hand extended, through this ministry, this non-profit organization.

And this is what drives me forward: The KNOWLEDGE that kids are in desperate need of an advocate. And the thought that Jesus LOVES these little children--all of them, with His whole heart--and that He might choose me to minister to them through a non-profit organization.

God's Will be done.

Amen.

------
Postscript:
If, by some miracle, YOU are reading this before noon, Central Standard Time, will you say a prayer for me? For all the children that could be impacted by my decision-making right now? Thank you in advance.


Friday, November 7, 2014

Taking Another Step--in Prayer

Today, I texted Dana and Paula, my spiritual sisters at work, and asked them to come by when they got a chance, that I had an announcement to make.

I wanted to tell them about the vision God has given me for the non-profit organization.

We finally got an opportunity to talk this afternoon in the hallway.

"I am in the process of starting a non-profit organization for kids," I told them.

They didn't act surprised.

Immediately, Dana said, "Let's pray," and we held each other's hands, making a prayer circle, and praying in turn.  Right there in the hallway.

Dana and Paula both prayed over the work God was calling me to, over the organization, over the kids, and over the coming days and the process.

And I was transported to a moment earlier this year, when Dana and Paula and I stood in the driveway of the house Stephen and I had just bid on, a house we only hoped to own.  And while on that driveway, holding hands in a prayer circle, I felt the Presence and Peace of God.  Then, we prayed for God's Will.  And it was then that I had no idea if anyone would even/ever sell us a home, finance it, but it didn't matter anymore.  Because we'd given it to God.   

He gave us that marvelous home.

As we held hands today in the hallway, I realized that I was standing in a powerful prayer circle again, asking God to have his way in yet another potential miracle.

It dawned on me then.  

This thing is covered.  Whatever happens, I will follow the call.   The Spiritual Marker has been placed, and I give it to God.

Amen.

Step One on This Incredible Journey

After the Saturday that became what I refer to now as "The Genesis of This Journey," I knew I had to step out, albeit tentatively, to investigate the possibility of developing this non-profit organization.

So, I met with Tabitha McConnell, a local young adult, missionary, minister, and non-profit leader of her own organization, Pure Love Is This.

Interestingly, several months ago, during an altar call at our church, I felt The Lord tell me to ask Tabi to join me in prayer for "what God has for me to do outside of the local church."  

At that time, I had NO IDEA that God might be leading me to start a non-profit organization--I cannot stress that fact enough!--so I turned to her as she walked down the aisle and pulled her aside and asked for prayer.  Why God wanted me to ask Tabi to pray for me, I wasn't sure--obedience?  stretch of faith?  or just the fact that Tabi is an awesome woman of God and prayer warrior?  I didn't know, and I didn't have to know.  I pulled her aside that morning and asked her for prayer.  More importantly, I know the she is the type of person who WILL pray when she says she will pray.

Tabi herself stepped out in faith in the past year and started her own non-profit organization, "Pure Love Is This," and she has already done several projects this past year, reaching out to young women in need.  I have always loved her and working with her--she has an incredibly bubbly personality and a warm energy that inspires all around her and all that know her.

When I felt like God was directing me to do a non-profit organization, I knew I had to step out and faith, put fear and doubt behind me, and take that step:  I felt in my heart I needed to talk to Tabi.

Who better to tell me if I had lost my mind?  Chased a rabbit trail?  Gone off the deep end?  

When I messaged her to inquire about a meeting, she was enthusiastic and offered to meet me the Thursday after Genesis Saturday for lunch. 

After I agreed to this, doubts would flood my mind--what am I thinking?  I don't even know what I'm going to ask?  Where on earth do I begin?

But then I kept thinking about all the ideas I had written in my notebook--the ideas and "vision" I could see in my mind, all the POSSIBILITIES--and I would counter the doubts by thinking about "What if this is it?"  and "What if I decide to miss the biggest ministry of my lifetime?!?"

I did do some minor research on non-profits, other non-profits already out there, website building/opportunities.  

Because I know where I'm going next once the first steps are accomplished.

More than anything else, though, I have been spending time talking to God about this.

"If this isn't You, shut the door."

"If this IS You, open the doors, please!  Make things go smoothly for me, go before me."

"Help me KNOW that I've heard from You, Lord, that I'm hearing from You..."

And then Thursday came.

Fifteen minutes until noon, I had just gotten out of class.  I grabbed my mini notebook and headed to The Coffee Cup to meet with Tabi.

We ordered lunch and sat to discuss what was on my heart.

"Oh...all I have are these notes scratched out..." I said, apologetically.

"Girl, that's more than I had starting out!" she replied.

"I feel scared," I admitted, "Sometimes I wake up and think, 'What are you thinking?!? How can YOU possibly do this?'"

"Fear and doubt is something you'll always deal with, always battle," she said.  "But you've GOT to do this.  Think about it:  what would happen if you DIDN'T do this?"

I nodded, understanding.   

What if I don't do this?  What is at stake?  What kids go unnoticed?  What projects don't get completed?  What bridges aren't built?  What networks aren't connected?  All because I let doubt or fear or insecurity rob me of my courage!  

So do I trust Him or don't I?  Do I believe His promises or don't I?  

Even if--even if it's a battle, a struggle...Even if it NEVER works out--what of it?  At least, when I'm standing before God after this life, I can say, "I put my all into it.  I did what you told me to do, Lord."  I mean, seriously, even logically, weighing it all--my doubts and fears do not overshadow the SHEER POSSIBILITY of what God can DO through this if I will allow him.

During the course of the conversation, I confessed to Tabi that I felt overwhelmed, excited but unworthy, to be called to this.  

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm too old."

"Girl, there was a 70-year-old man on my last missions trip who said he got called to missions a couple of years ago!" she said, immediately swatting one of my most threatening doubts out of the room with her spiritual fly-swatter.

At on epoint in the conversation, too, Tabi responded to something said or intimated, and I cannot even recall what brought it on.  Perhaps it was when I shared about the Mexico Prophecy of nearly a decade ago.  

But her response to that is something I want to record here and never forget.  I suspect I will need to read this again and again in days to come.

Tabi looked at me and said:*

"I never knew how to tell you this before--because I wasn't sure how it would sound when it came out of my mouth--but I always knew you were destined for more than what you do now.
 
"Every time I've heard you speak, I've known you were meant for more.  I've always pictured you speaking to large groups, auditoriums, at conferences...

"I believe in my heart that this is God's Will.  You are definitely stepping out in the right direction.  I've definitely seen this coming.
 
"Step out!  Jump in!"

I could barely maintain my composure--feeling a great swell of excitement, relief, tears, and joy rise up within me.

And I knew it.  This is it.

My meeting with Tabi was most definitely a God-Thing.  I left knowing what my next step needed to be:  meeting with a lawyer and submitting paperwork.

After the better part of an hour talking about The Lord and taking notes and listening and sharing vision, we stood and hugged each other, knowing that life had just changed for me.

Yes, life has changed for me.

---------------------------------------------


* I did my best to record everything she said in my journal.  I wrote everything, exactly as I remembered it, later that afternoon.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

The Genesis of This New Journey

Well, I must begin by saying that this incredible journey started nearly a decade ago.  Most certainly, I can trace its development prior to that, but as I look back, I can see that it really "got going" then.

It was on one of two missions trips to Mexico that I met an individual who spoke over my life in profound ways.  I had never met this man before, and he literally spoke over my life in ways that only God could have directed.

One of several things he said to me was that I would "speak to children of the nations."  Of the other things he said, nearly all of them have come to fruition.  And I thought this one had come true, as well.  Until last Saturday.

I thought, perhaps, as global as our world is, that perhaps he had been referring to the international "children" I speak to in my college classroom.  Though grown, they are someone's children, a nation's children, still growing, developing.  Surely that's what God meant.

Or maybe it was when I spoke in Ireland to a group of young women.  Surely that was what God had meant and intended.  I had spoken into their lives that day, addressing issues every woman deals with, no matter where on this globe they were raised or live.

Maybe God had been referring to the church where I attend--where, weekly, dozens of Hispanic kids, second generation Americans, attend on Wednesday nights.  But I really didn't speak into their lives.  I didn't even teach a class for kids.  But perhaps I would be teaching them at some point?  Working with the Children's Church on a regular basis?  Maybe helping with VBS once a year counted?

Apart from thinking about that prophecy, directly, I have wavered for months/years about whether I should go into public school teaching in hopes of directly impacting more kids.  I have really struggled with that, and have debated back and forth on what is best for me, my family, my budget.

This past September, I started teaching After School at Psalm's school on Fridays--and any other rare day they need me.  I don't teach Psalm; rather, they placed me with 4th-5th graders, usually numbering five or six kids.  It's a small group and perfect.  I am enjoying, thoroughly, this new opportunity, and wondering what part this has to do with God's Master Plan for my life.  I knew God had opened THIS door for me, although I hadn't really related it to the prophecy.

But what about the prophecy?

Honestly, I do not think about it all the time or even often.  Every now and again, I feel led to pull out my journal, read the prophecies contained within it, and reflect on what God has done and how He has done it and what He is or may be doing right now, at this present time.  

There have been a number of things that have, ultimately, culminated in the series of events that started last Saturday.

I think of the terminally kids who have sought me out in the strangest of venues.

I think of the way I've collapsed into tears over the injustices to children that I've seen and had to endure helplessly in public.

I think of the burden I have carried for the kids of our area and our PFA Children's Building project.  I have been begging God to help me find a way to donate to the cause.

And then there are the dreams...

Three people have come to me--people who don't know each other at all--and told me that they see me having a child, a son.  One says she sees me holding a child's hand.*

And then there was last Saturday....

After I had witnessed three separate children being yelled at, senselessly, by their adult caretakers, I cried and prayed about what to do.  "God, why do I keep seeing these things?  My heart is BREAKING.  I don't want to go to Walmart ever again if I have to endure such things.  This breaks my heart and I can't stand it!"

It was then, and my drive to Ft. Smith from the Sallisaw Walmart, that altered the course of my life.

I knew I had to do something.

"But what?  Whatever could I do?!?"

"How can I make an impact on the lives of kids?"

Non-profit.  Start a non-profit.

"Start a non-profit?...Me?!"

I had no idea what on earth that would entail.  How could I?  I have ZERO business experience, less tax/government experience...how could I do this.

"Maybe I'm hearing it wrong..."

FOR. THE. CHILDREN.

This came to my mind as clear as day.

"That's what I'm supposed to call it?"

And I could envision it all--in an instant.  I saw the website, our first projects.  I saw my contacts, volunteers, all of the possibilities for the future.

"THIS is what you want me to do?"

And I came home and started doing preliminary research.  I checked to see if my web address had been taken:  it had not.  

So, if all goes well and God's in it, the non-profit I'm starting to impact children locally and nationally and globally, will be called:  "For the Children Ministries."  

If you are reading this, please say a prayer for me, that God will lead and guide me.  I don't want to miss His Will in any way on this upcoming journey.

I know God has BIG PLANS.

Let it be, Lord!


* This is the symbol I want to use for the non-profit letterhead, etc.:  an adult holding the hand of a child.  I would like for it to be based on me and Psalm, and rendered in shadow.