Each year for the past few years, I have asked the Lord to give me a Word or Verse for the coming year.
The first time I remember Him giving me one was several years ago when He told me Ephesians 3:20 would be my life verse. This was my life verse for two years, as I recall. And He was true to His Word. I saw that verse lived out in my life.
Last year, as I mentioned in a previous post, he gave me a Word that was, in effect, the equivalent of "I will sustain you." I remember, at the time, being kind of disappointed and questioning what I'd heard...Surely my Word for the year would be more inspiring, encouraging. No...no "above and beyond what I can think or imagine." It was what my year was going to be all about--survival and making it--with His help.
This year, I have heard very clearly, in my spirit, the word "Immanuel."
GOD WITH US.
So, whether awful times come this year--"GOD WITH US."
Whether good times--"GOD WITH US."
In times of amazing victory--"GOD WITH US."
Through thick and thin, nothing and abundance, He will go with us wherever we shall go. HE IS WITH US through it all. What an amazing Word. What an incredible promise.
I receive that Word, whole-heartedly.
(And I know better than not to receive it--it's my Word whether I like it or not! He knows what lies ahead, He is fully aware of what I am not. He sees what is coming. I choose to trust Him. HE IS WITH ME through it all.)
Immanuel.
Amen.
Monday, January 2, 2017
A Reflection of the Past Year: Goodbye 2016
As I like to do, I want to reflect on the past year as I anticipate the next. It is my hope that, in my musings, I can record thoughts that matter to me as I go forward.
In 2016, I felt the struggle in many areas of my life:
1. Financially, I felt like it was a day-to-day, week-by-week financial experience/struggle. I prayed, literally, for miracle after miracle, day after day, week after week. I can look back on the year and say that God truly heard my prayers and saw us through some very rough patches. Indeed, despite the STRUGGLE, I saw many MIRACULOUS occurrences that sustained us--from gifts from people who had NO IDEA of our situation, to dance scholarships for my children, God provided in only a way that HE can--miraculously, lovingly. I CAN say that we made it through because of Him. We are still in our house, and I'm still driving my car, because of Him. He has sustained me, us. Finances weigh heavily upon my mind and impact me emotionally (and are connected to every part of my life). What I am learning and have learned is that, no matter what, God goes before me. He will take care of me. While I haven't lived in the "more than enough," I have lived in the "I have enough." I think of what the Apostle said, "In whatever situation I find myself...I have learned to be content." (my paraphrase)
2. Spiritually, too, especially in ministry, I felt the struggle. Many weeks, I felt like a sleepwalker (not streetwalker! Ha!). It felt like, mostly, I was showing up and just trusting God to see me through. I battled myself in my mind, in my energy, in my spirit. Weeks went by speedily, and I felt as if I didn't have time to properly digest or process the nutrition I needed from Sunday morning sermons, etc. I would read a daily devotion or verse and feel like I swallowed it down whole, hoping it would properly (or even remotely) digest. For weeks at a time, I felt like I was the one in last position at a race, running my heart out, never getting a moment to stop and smell the roses or enjoy what I was doing. However, GOD SAW ME THROUGH. I am not dense--I realize there are "seasons" to our lives, and that this was one of mine. It was, in retrospect, a race for survival. And with God's help, I did. I made it through, intact. He would pour His precious anointing on me when I felt furthest from it. He gave me "words" of wisdom and "vision" when everything as I knew it was "closed down," on hiatus.
3. Home Life. Balancing home life and three jobs (CASC, Church, After-School) is a challenge for anybody, I'm sure. But I attempt to do it because of financial necessity and what I would call a most definite "call" to do them all. However, I have learned that this many jobs causes strain at home. I try to conserve my energies, to make sure I have time and energy for my family when I get home, but that isn't always the case. Many times in the past year, I have failed miserably, coming home and falling into bed. It's a drain, especially when there's no money to go on a vacation that matters, to spend time refueling. I am tired. I have been tired all year. It's exhausting. I NEED a break, honestly. And there's no time for that. Or money. It wears on me, and because it wears on me, it impacts everyone. Thank the Lord for the wonderful woman at church who comes twice a month to help me clean house. She helps me tidy the obvious--she helps with dishes, mopping, dusting...all those things I don't have time or energy for. And the job blesses her finances and her home. I praise God for that. I have many regrets, though, about the way I spent my at-home time last year, and I need to do better about that in the coming year. My family is MOST IMPORTANT. I must be the functioning glue that holds it together. I can't afford to be too tired for long! :)
4. Missions Work. I still haven't applied for the non-profit organization because I'm not sure I have a clarity about what I'm supposed to DO. I have many questions and even misgivings about what I'm to do. At times, I can see the vision again, in my spirit, but at other times, especially when reading about all of the responsibility, I can't help but think, "When do I have time to do this?" or "How on earth can I accomplish this full-time pursuit on top of everything else I'm doing?" I need to fast and seek God about this again. I need His input. I need clarity, and boldness (if necessary) to do what He is calling me to do. I also need help. I used to criticize Moses when I read of him asking God to let Aaron help him in his calling. I totally get it now. I get a lot of things now. Ha. On a serious note, I haven't been on a missions trip in a while, and it is really wearing on me. I'm not saying that I've missed the will of God, but I am saying that I'm supposed to do more than I am doing now. I'm called to do more than what I did last year. (But how do I BALANCE it all?!?!)
Every year, I ask God for a "word" or a verse from him for the year ahead. Though I can't remember the exact phrasing He gave me in 2015 for 2016, I remember He said that He would sustain me. And He has. He knew what was coming. My struggles weren't a surprise to Him. He knew all along and He was there for me through it all. I give Him praise. I survived the year BECAUSE He sustained me. And I Bless God for that.
In 2016, I felt the struggle in many areas of my life:
1. Financially, I felt like it was a day-to-day, week-by-week financial experience/struggle. I prayed, literally, for miracle after miracle, day after day, week after week. I can look back on the year and say that God truly heard my prayers and saw us through some very rough patches. Indeed, despite the STRUGGLE, I saw many MIRACULOUS occurrences that sustained us--from gifts from people who had NO IDEA of our situation, to dance scholarships for my children, God provided in only a way that HE can--miraculously, lovingly. I CAN say that we made it through because of Him. We are still in our house, and I'm still driving my car, because of Him. He has sustained me, us. Finances weigh heavily upon my mind and impact me emotionally (and are connected to every part of my life). What I am learning and have learned is that, no matter what, God goes before me. He will take care of me. While I haven't lived in the "more than enough," I have lived in the "I have enough." I think of what the Apostle said, "In whatever situation I find myself...I have learned to be content." (my paraphrase)
2. Spiritually, too, especially in ministry, I felt the struggle. Many weeks, I felt like a sleepwalker (not streetwalker! Ha!). It felt like, mostly, I was showing up and just trusting God to see me through. I battled myself in my mind, in my energy, in my spirit. Weeks went by speedily, and I felt as if I didn't have time to properly digest or process the nutrition I needed from Sunday morning sermons, etc. I would read a daily devotion or verse and feel like I swallowed it down whole, hoping it would properly (or even remotely) digest. For weeks at a time, I felt like I was the one in last position at a race, running my heart out, never getting a moment to stop and smell the roses or enjoy what I was doing. However, GOD SAW ME THROUGH. I am not dense--I realize there are "seasons" to our lives, and that this was one of mine. It was, in retrospect, a race for survival. And with God's help, I did. I made it through, intact. He would pour His precious anointing on me when I felt furthest from it. He gave me "words" of wisdom and "vision" when everything as I knew it was "closed down," on hiatus.
3. Home Life. Balancing home life and three jobs (CASC, Church, After-School) is a challenge for anybody, I'm sure. But I attempt to do it because of financial necessity and what I would call a most definite "call" to do them all. However, I have learned that this many jobs causes strain at home. I try to conserve my energies, to make sure I have time and energy for my family when I get home, but that isn't always the case. Many times in the past year, I have failed miserably, coming home and falling into bed. It's a drain, especially when there's no money to go on a vacation that matters, to spend time refueling. I am tired. I have been tired all year. It's exhausting. I NEED a break, honestly. And there's no time for that. Or money. It wears on me, and because it wears on me, it impacts everyone. Thank the Lord for the wonderful woman at church who comes twice a month to help me clean house. She helps me tidy the obvious--she helps with dishes, mopping, dusting...all those things I don't have time or energy for. And the job blesses her finances and her home. I praise God for that. I have many regrets, though, about the way I spent my at-home time last year, and I need to do better about that in the coming year. My family is MOST IMPORTANT. I must be the functioning glue that holds it together. I can't afford to be too tired for long! :)
4. Missions Work. I still haven't applied for the non-profit organization because I'm not sure I have a clarity about what I'm supposed to DO. I have many questions and even misgivings about what I'm to do. At times, I can see the vision again, in my spirit, but at other times, especially when reading about all of the responsibility, I can't help but think, "When do I have time to do this?" or "How on earth can I accomplish this full-time pursuit on top of everything else I'm doing?" I need to fast and seek God about this again. I need His input. I need clarity, and boldness (if necessary) to do what He is calling me to do. I also need help. I used to criticize Moses when I read of him asking God to let Aaron help him in his calling. I totally get it now. I get a lot of things now. Ha. On a serious note, I haven't been on a missions trip in a while, and it is really wearing on me. I'm not saying that I've missed the will of God, but I am saying that I'm supposed to do more than I am doing now. I'm called to do more than what I did last year. (But how do I BALANCE it all?!?!)
Every year, I ask God for a "word" or a verse from him for the year ahead. Though I can't remember the exact phrasing He gave me in 2015 for 2016, I remember He said that He would sustain me. And He has. He knew what was coming. My struggles weren't a surprise to Him. He knew all along and He was there for me through it all. I give Him praise. I survived the year BECAUSE He sustained me. And I Bless God for that.
Friday, August 12, 2016
Expecting the Unexpected: "The Moment Has Come"
I'm not certain what is going on right now, but there has been a VERY interesting development which has occurred in the past 48 hours. Something I was NOT anticipating may have just presented itself, and I am excitedly--yet emotionally reservedly--considering a new potential option in my life.
Because it is so very new, I am not at liberty to discuss it openly...yet suffice it to say that it has not only inspired me to think, but to engage in contemplation about my life, my purpose, my future, and God's Ultimate Plan for my life.
Soooo, as I am prone to wax poetic, here are some thoughts:
"The Moment Has Come"
You, God, Almighty God,
Creator of Heaven and Earth,
My God, My Heavenly Father:
YOU astound me sometimes
All the time, every millisecond,
But especially in moments like
This moment.
I, sometimes I am reminded
How limited my vision is--
How little I know about the horizon
And what lies upon it.
You have seen it coming all along
Even when I felt lost, you knew
This was coming.
In these moments of "revelation,"
I realize how very small I am, and I am
Compelled to bow my heart in awe and wonder,
Amazed by your love for inconsequential me.
When I look up to the expansive heavens
I can feel your smile in my heart...
The moment has come.
Because it is so very new, I am not at liberty to discuss it openly...yet suffice it to say that it has not only inspired me to think, but to engage in contemplation about my life, my purpose, my future, and God's Ultimate Plan for my life.
Soooo, as I am prone to wax poetic, here are some thoughts:
"The Moment Has Come"
You, God, Almighty God,
Creator of Heaven and Earth,
My God, My Heavenly Father:
YOU astound me sometimes
All the time, every millisecond,
But especially in moments like
This moment.
I, sometimes I am reminded
How limited my vision is--
How little I know about the horizon
And what lies upon it.
You have seen it coming all along
Even when I felt lost, you knew
This was coming.
In these moments of "revelation,"
I realize how very small I am, and I am
Compelled to bow my heart in awe and wonder,
Amazed by your love for inconsequential me.
When I look up to the expansive heavens
I can feel your smile in my heart...
The moment has come.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
My Spiritual Bucket List: 2016
July.
It's July, and I haven't posted my annual Spiritual Bucket List.
So, here it is, what I'm asking God for, what I'd like to see happen in my life this year:
1. Start the nonprofit organization God put on my heart.
2. Begin working projects for the nonprofit organization.
3. Begin planning my next Mission Trip--perhaps in conjunction with the nonprofit.
4. Begin planning a trip to Israel.
5. Get my finances in order.
These are the basics for the rest of the year. I'm sure these will keep me fully occupied--though I reserve the right to make additions at any time!
God's will be done in my life, in all things.
It's July, and I haven't posted my annual Spiritual Bucket List.
So, here it is, what I'm asking God for, what I'd like to see happen in my life this year:
1. Start the nonprofit organization God put on my heart.
2. Begin working projects for the nonprofit organization.
3. Begin planning my next Mission Trip--perhaps in conjunction with the nonprofit.
4. Begin planning a trip to Israel.
5. Get my finances in order.
These are the basics for the rest of the year. I'm sure these will keep me fully occupied--though I reserve the right to make additions at any time!
God's will be done in my life, in all things.
"Do Not Delay": A Prophetic Word
Three Sundays ago, on June 26, we had a guest speaker come to our church. He has been there before many times (2 or 3 times a year). He is older and drives in from Tulsa, OK. He comes mostly when our senior pastor has to be out of town.
We all love him.
He is a perfect guest speaker. He is bold without being too bold, speaks the Word of God without apology, always gives a Word of encouragement AND challenge. But what makes him exemplary is that he does not lead with "ego," nor is he secretly vying for the emotional loyalty of the congregants. He comes to share God's Word. He is happy, congenial, friendly, totally appropriate.
He also has the spiritual gift of prophecy.
When he comes to our church, he will speak over 3 or 4 people's lives, generally. He has spoken over mine a handful of times--and what he says is always SPOT ON. In fact, one year he came, he spoke over a situation at my job--not knowing ANYTHING about it--and what he said happened within a couple of months' time.
May I reiterate that he had no idea of this issue--neither did anyone at church, really. That part of my life is rarely discussed at church and with my church family.
Three visits ago, he prophesied over me, the work I was to do. He had everyone stretch a hand toward me and pray with me over my calling. He didn't know what that call was. I did--and a handful of people did, too.
I went to work on this calling--I've blogged about the frustrations I've had with it--and found I was up against a seemingly insurmountable legal monstrosity. I resigned myself to the fact that I simply couldn't do it without miraculous assistance from "somewhere...".
But it's nearly been two years since God birthed the vision into me.
Honestly? I was afraid I'd lost the vision entirely. And here's the thing: I've felt it affect my spiritual life. I've hit a plateau. I've known it. And I'd beg God and sing with all my heart, "More of You, Looord..."
Yeah.
He wasn't impressed.
Two visits ago, this visiting preacher looked straight at me and--I could tell something flashed in his mind--but he said nothing.
That was interesting. (And I fully realize that I probably DON'T EVER want to know what God had to say about me at that moment.)
Three Sundays ago, he didn't specifically speak over me, but he looked straight at me and said to anyone and everyone, "If God has told you to do something, DON'T DELAY!"
"DON'T DELAY!" He said it loudly, firmly, with a fatherly corrective tone in his voice.
Yep.
I knew who he was talking to.
But it didn't stop with that. He kept saying it, over and over, reiterating that we must obey God.
It got so bad that I wanted to just stand up and yell, "Okay, okay! I get it! Please! Stop saying it!" But I didn't. Thank God.
Yet...
It has changed me, that word given.
Because I knew it was for me, I started asking God to affirm and reaffirm the Call. "God, if you want me to start this nonprofit, then please rekindle my fire and renew my vision for it!"
He is doing that.
I can "see" it again.
Two days ago, I got an email address for my nonprofit. You can email us already, though we are not official yet.
Today, I am ordering a book which will assist me with the legal procedure for starting my non-profit. I want to make sure I'm doing everything correctly--to the best of my ability.
I have composed my first letter, asking for two of my friends to consider being an incorporator, a Founder, of this nonprofit with me.
It has begun.
I can't wait to tell you all more about it as details happen.
It's all in GOD'S hands.
(Please pray for me, if you're reading this. I need His divine guidance and protection in all that lies ahead.)
Ciao!
We all love him.
He is a perfect guest speaker. He is bold without being too bold, speaks the Word of God without apology, always gives a Word of encouragement AND challenge. But what makes him exemplary is that he does not lead with "ego," nor is he secretly vying for the emotional loyalty of the congregants. He comes to share God's Word. He is happy, congenial, friendly, totally appropriate.
He also has the spiritual gift of prophecy.
When he comes to our church, he will speak over 3 or 4 people's lives, generally. He has spoken over mine a handful of times--and what he says is always SPOT ON. In fact, one year he came, he spoke over a situation at my job--not knowing ANYTHING about it--and what he said happened within a couple of months' time.
May I reiterate that he had no idea of this issue--neither did anyone at church, really. That part of my life is rarely discussed at church and with my church family.
Three visits ago, he prophesied over me, the work I was to do. He had everyone stretch a hand toward me and pray with me over my calling. He didn't know what that call was. I did--and a handful of people did, too.
I went to work on this calling--I've blogged about the frustrations I've had with it--and found I was up against a seemingly insurmountable legal monstrosity. I resigned myself to the fact that I simply couldn't do it without miraculous assistance from "somewhere...".
But it's nearly been two years since God birthed the vision into me.
Honestly? I was afraid I'd lost the vision entirely. And here's the thing: I've felt it affect my spiritual life. I've hit a plateau. I've known it. And I'd beg God and sing with all my heart, "More of You, Looord..."
Yeah.
He wasn't impressed.
Two visits ago, this visiting preacher looked straight at me and--I could tell something flashed in his mind--but he said nothing.
That was interesting. (And I fully realize that I probably DON'T EVER want to know what God had to say about me at that moment.)
Three Sundays ago, he didn't specifically speak over me, but he looked straight at me and said to anyone and everyone, "If God has told you to do something, DON'T DELAY!"
"DON'T DELAY!" He said it loudly, firmly, with a fatherly corrective tone in his voice.
Yep.
I knew who he was talking to.
But it didn't stop with that. He kept saying it, over and over, reiterating that we must obey God.
It got so bad that I wanted to just stand up and yell, "Okay, okay! I get it! Please! Stop saying it!" But I didn't. Thank God.
Yet...
It has changed me, that word given.
Because I knew it was for me, I started asking God to affirm and reaffirm the Call. "God, if you want me to start this nonprofit, then please rekindle my fire and renew my vision for it!"
He is doing that.
I can "see" it again.
Two days ago, I got an email address for my nonprofit. You can email us already, though we are not official yet.
Today, I am ordering a book which will assist me with the legal procedure for starting my non-profit. I want to make sure I'm doing everything correctly--to the best of my ability.
I have composed my first letter, asking for two of my friends to consider being an incorporator, a Founder, of this nonprofit with me.
It has begun.
I can't wait to tell you all more about it as details happen.
It's all in GOD'S hands.
(Please pray for me, if you're reading this. I need His divine guidance and protection in all that lies ahead.)
Ciao!
Monday, April 18, 2016
Lackadaisical & Other Sins
Let's be honest.
Because it's time for honesty, right?
It's time to "put it all out there,"
Because then I have to be accountable.
I've told the world I recognize it,
(The metaphorical Vague Pronouns of my life)
and I've got to do something about it now,
Before I stiffen and die--Right. Where. I. Am.
"Without interest, vigor or determination;
Listless, lethargic," the dictionary says.
(How long am I going to blame this on allergies?!)
Dare I list the number of days I've succumbed to this?
So, I have decided to make some changes,
Because I cannot spend another 12 months like this:
These are not the words that will define me,
They most certainly will not be my legacy.
I will fight it. Bought some vitamins.
I WILL find time to exercise.
I will not let the dream die--NO.
I WILL begin to live again.
Because it's time for honesty, right?
It's time to "put it all out there,"
Because then I have to be accountable.
I've told the world I recognize it,
(The metaphorical Vague Pronouns of my life)
and I've got to do something about it now,
Before I stiffen and die--Right. Where. I. Am.
"Without interest, vigor or determination;
Listless, lethargic," the dictionary says.
(How long am I going to blame this on allergies?!)
Dare I list the number of days I've succumbed to this?
So, I have decided to make some changes,
Because I cannot spend another 12 months like this:
These are not the words that will define me,
They most certainly will not be my legacy.
I will fight it. Bought some vitamins.
I WILL find time to exercise.
I will not let the dream die--NO.
I WILL begin to live again.
Saturday, March 12, 2016
"You Move, We Want More"
There's a song we sing at church
That says, "You move, we want more";
And that's a sentiment I hold right now:
I want more.
So much of life right now is a struggle--
If it's not one area of my life
It's another coming totally unhinged.
I want more.
I know I don't have to live like this--
This has GOT to be temporary.
No one should have to question it all.
I want more.
I believe in my heart that I have yet
To tap into all God has for me.
It will be more than enough.
I want more.
More, not less. Above and beyond
All I can ask or imagine--
Because His Word says so.
I want more.
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