Step Two: The REAL Meeting with the Lawyer

This post comes three days after the meeting I had with the lawyer regarding the non-profit organization I was interested in starting.

I haven't updated this blog regarding this meeting for a couple of reasons:  (1) I have been busy, non-stop, since the meeting, and (2) The meeting really did not go well.

To say it "did not go well," I feel I need to elaborate:  

I didn't feel comfortable in the room where the meeting was held.  It was cold--feeling, not temperature--and I am fairly certain the dust on the books was plaguing my allergies.  

I have great difficulty understanding left-brained people and left-brained concepts.  I find there is little to no warmth, and that's what I'm all about.  I need a kind smile, hug, conversation, laugh...I do not function well when the only interpersonal communication is a "tight smile."

I didn't feel prepared.  I felt like I was in over my head, sometimes like the lawyer was speaking another language to me--I just don't process that way.

The lawyer told me things I NEEDED to hear, for certain.  I came with a dream, some signs, and a phrase given to me from The Lord, but that's all I had.  I hadn't thought of where I would send the mail, the cost for the background checks every time I get a volunteer, or what I would do if my non-profit got sued.   I was also informed for the amount to start up the non-profit:  $850.   That alone would take a miracle.  I went in there with the dream of impacting lives and blessing people.   I didn't think of all of the other legal issues that were certain to go along with it.

I started crying, I couldn't help it.  Right in front of the lawyer.  All the way to the door as I was let out.  

The lawyer smiled, probably thinking I was a basket case.

When I left the lawyer's office, I couldn't go back to my own office right away, though I needed to, though I'd taken time off to make this appointment and needed to get back to work.  

I drove around town in my car and cried.

I'm not sure exactly why.  

.

I guess I just thought it would go better than it did.  I suspected it would go well and smoothly.  I suspected God was in this and He would make my path straight.  I would leave with clarity and prepared for my Step Three.

But I left feeling like an idiot.  Very foolish.  

"Did I miss God?"

You must be thinking, "Shirley, you can't give up!  That was one meeting!  God is in this!  Only believe!"

I have lived long enough to know this:  This door did NOT open for me.  In fact, I felt it closed, resoundedly, in a very clear way.

But I haven't abandoned the dream itself.  At least not yet.

I feel like though my dream is solid (though it definitely needs to be fleshed and written out), I was barking up the wrong tree.  Maybe the non-profit isn't what I'm supposed to do.  

But what IS?  

I feel like I need to be ever more aware of what's around me, seek God to determine which tree (method) I'm supposed to be approaching, pursuing, and pray and fast so I'm quite certain it is His voice which leads me.

The door definitively closed that day, at that meeting.

But I trust the WAY will be made known to me.  

He will show me the way.

Amen.