So, I met with Tabitha McConnell, a local young adult, missionary, minister, and non-profit leader of her own organization, Pure Love Is This.
Interestingly, several months ago, during an altar call at our church, I felt The Lord tell me to ask Tabi to join me in prayer for "what God has for me to do outside of the local church."
At that time, I had NO IDEA that God might be leading me to start a non-profit organization--I cannot stress that fact enough!--so I turned to her as she walked down the aisle and pulled her aside and asked for prayer. Why God wanted me to ask Tabi to pray for me, I wasn't sure--obedience? stretch of faith? or just the fact that Tabi is an awesome woman of God and prayer warrior? I didn't know, and I didn't have to know. I pulled her aside that morning and asked her for prayer. More importantly, I know the she is the type of person who WILL pray when she says she will pray.
Tabi herself stepped out in faith in the past year and started her own non-profit organization, "Pure Love Is This," and she has already done several projects this past year, reaching out to young women in need. I have always loved her and working with her--she has an incredibly bubbly personality and a warm energy that inspires all around her and all that know her.
When I felt like God was directing me to do a non-profit organization, I knew I had to step out and faith, put fear and doubt behind me, and take that step: I felt in my heart I needed to talk to Tabi.
Who better to tell me if I had lost my mind? Chased a rabbit trail? Gone off the deep end?
When I messaged her to inquire about a meeting, she was enthusiastic and offered to meet me the Thursday after Genesis Saturday for lunch.
After I agreed to this, doubts would flood my mind--what am I thinking? I don't even know what I'm going to ask? Where on earth do I begin?
But then I kept thinking about all the ideas I had written in my notebook--the ideas and "vision" I could see in my mind, all the POSSIBILITIES--and I would counter the doubts by thinking about "What if this is it?" and "What if I decide to miss the biggest ministry of my lifetime?!?"
I did do some minor research on non-profits, other non-profits already out there, website building/opportunities.
Because I know where I'm going next once the first steps are accomplished.
More than anything else, though, I have been spending time talking to God about this.
"If this isn't You, shut the door."
"If this IS You, open the doors, please! Make things go smoothly for me, go before me."
"Help me KNOW that I've heard from You, Lord, that I'm hearing from You..."
And then Thursday came.
Fifteen minutes until noon, I had just gotten out of class. I grabbed my mini notebook and headed to The Coffee Cup to meet with Tabi.
We ordered lunch and sat to discuss what was on my heart.
"Oh...all I have are these notes scratched out..." I said, apologetically.
"Girl, that's more than I had starting out!" she replied.
"I feel scared," I admitted, "Sometimes I wake up and think, 'What are you thinking?!? How can YOU possibly do this?'"
"Fear and doubt is something you'll always deal with, always battle," she said. "But you've GOT to do this. Think about it: what would happen if you DIDN'T do this?"
I nodded, understanding.
What if I don't do this? What is at stake? What kids go unnoticed? What projects don't get completed? What bridges aren't built? What networks aren't connected? All because I let doubt or fear or insecurity rob me of my courage!
So do I trust Him or don't I? Do I believe His promises or don't I?
Even if--even if it's a battle, a struggle...Even if it NEVER works out--what of it? At least, when I'm standing before God after this life, I can say, "I put my all into it. I did what you told me to do, Lord." I mean, seriously, even logically, weighing it all--my doubts and fears do not overshadow the SHEER POSSIBILITY of what God can DO through this if I will allow him.
During the course of the conversation, I confessed to Tabi that I felt overwhelmed, excited but unworthy, to be called to this.
"Sometimes I wonder if I'm too old."
"Girl, there was a 70-year-old man on my last missions trip who said he got called to missions a couple of years ago!" she said, immediately swatting one of my most threatening doubts out of the room with her spiritual fly-swatter.
At on epoint in the conversation, too, Tabi responded to something said or intimated, and I cannot even recall what brought it on. Perhaps it was when I shared about the Mexico Prophecy of nearly a decade ago.
But her response to that is something I want to record here and never forget. I suspect I will need to read this again and again in days to come.
Tabi looked at me and said:*
"I never knew how to tell you this before--because I wasn't sure how it would sound when it came out of my mouth--but I always knew you were destined for more than what you do now.
"Every time I've heard you speak, I've known you were meant for more. I've always pictured you speaking to large groups, auditoriums, at conferences...
"I believe in my heart that this is God's Will. You are definitely stepping out in the right direction. I've definitely seen this coming.
"Step out! Jump in!"
I could barely maintain my composure--feeling a great swell of excitement, relief, tears, and joy rise up within me.
And I knew it. This is it.
My meeting with Tabi was most definitely a God-Thing. I left knowing what my next step needed to be: meeting with a lawyer and submitting paperwork.
After the better part of an hour talking about The Lord and taking notes and listening and sharing vision, we stood and hugged each other, knowing that life had just changed for me.
Yes, life has changed for me.
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* I did my best to record everything she said in my journal. I wrote everything, exactly as I remembered it, later that afternoon.
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