Journey: My Rough First Night

The first day in Florence was a challenge, arriving, settling in, unpacking, seeking food. The late afternoon walk to the Duomo was nice. The evening dinner and other events were quite a difficulty--for the temperatures and fatigue combined in such a way that I began suffering from a migraine...Which escalated to a full-out "sick migraine" over night.

To say it was "rough" is a vast understatement. I woke up hot and sick, every movement making me wonder if everything I had eaten that day was going to revisit in the most horrific of ways.

And that's exactly what happened.

Three times that night, I found myself sick to death on the floor of our beautiful apartment bathroom. I could barely move, barely think.

In addition to the physical nightmare I was going through, my mental and spiritual faculties were being assaulted, as well. The walls seemed to be closing in on me. I felt a great isolation, emptiness attack my mind. A deep cistern of doubt haunted my senses. I felt like I had felt for weeks after childbirth--the unforgiving, unrelenting pangs of what only can be considered a mental darkness, a cloud of depression.

As I suffered, my mind went wild with thoughts, "What was I thinking? Why did we come here?" My daughter woke up crying in the midst of all of this, missing her sisters, begging for us to go home. "Momma, I want to go home. I miss my home. I don't want to stay here forever!"

As I tried to console her, playing her favorite game, "Who Am I? (Animal Edition)," I prayed, "Lord, should we go home? Should I call Delta?" And when she finally quieted, "Lord, have I missed You? Have I been selfish?"

I found myself longing desperately for my home, my hometown, my family, my church people, my friends. Longing in a desperate way, like "for the sake of my life."

It was one of the longest nights of my life. And one of the darkest.

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It was the day before that helped me to endure it. I thought of all the Blessings of God, the Favor of God, on our trip before we left and the day we came here. I thought of the powerful Bible study I had done in Luke on the flight to Paris. God had spoken to me, clearly. I thought of all of this, of all He'd done in our travels, to keep believing.

This morning, as I awoke, I felt the after-effects of a reeeeeally long, hard night, but the light of morning washed away all of the fears of the night before. Today has definitely been one of recovery--I've eaten a very small snack thus far, and managed to keep it down. I've taken it easy and made this day's major objective to be one of journaling my thoughts, getting it going.

I trust Him. For everything. I know there will be times of trial, and especially prior to "new ministry." I look at the Lord's massive testing--for 40 Days--prior to God catapulting him forward into MASSIVE NEW & WORLD CHANGING MINISTRY. I wonder how Jesus managed it for 40 Days. I wonder, after last night, if he got sick from the sun and the trials, his body ravaged by lack of food, water, sleep. Most of all, I'm thankful he didn't give up, throw in the towel, and go home and live out his days in peace. I'm thankful he BELIEVED. In God. In what He knew. In His mission--for all of us.

"Thank you, Lord Jesus, for being Constant. You are our AMAZING GOD. And you are MY Comforter, Friend, Protector. Thank You for my Mom, and all of those You sent my way to teach me and instruct me and lead me in Your path and ways. Thank You for my husband, my daughter, my niece, and this Incredible Journey you are taking us on. Thank you for BEING THERE, with us through all of this--and all that is to come. Amen."